Hold On Hope
by imahistorian
Summary: Just when Kensi and Deeks think they have a normal existence and that their family is safe and their lives under control, unfinished business from the past threatens to challenge the truths they trust and the people they hold dear. They will cross the world and put everything on the line to fight for their love and their family. Sequel to "Truth Be Told" and "Feel the Tide."
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **Hold On Hope  
**Author: **Mel  
**Rating: **T, for adult language and situations  
**Disclaimer:** I definitely don't own all the known and beloved NCIS: Los Angeles characters, they are being borrowed purely for fun. But all the other characters scattered throughout did stumble out of my over active brain.  
**Note: **It only took me about five months, but here comes a sequel to "Feel the Tide," which was a sequel to "Truth Be Told." Since this has spiraled off into something of its own universe in terms of characters and events, it would definitely help to read those stories first. But in the end, the important facts are that this is a story with Deeks and Kensi as an established, married couple with a family of their own. At present, Deeks has quit NCIS and gone back to being a lawyer (but not for long), while Kensi stayed on as an agent. This story takes place about nine years after the events of "Feel the Tide," and about ten years from the current timeline of the show. Roughly. I hope to be able to post regularly every week or two, my job and craziness there will be the major factor in that. If you decide to read and join in on the journey ahead, I hope you enjoy and thank you for following, alerting, favoriting, and reviewing. I'll do my best to make it interesting. And as always, thanks to my beta, **MioneAlterEgo, **for being willing to help steer me along the way.

* * *

_It's empty in the valley of your heart  
__The sun, it rises slowly as you walk  
__Away from all the fears  
__And all the faults you've left behind  
__But I will hold on hope  
__And I won't let you choke  
__On the noose around your neck  
__And I'll find strength in pain  
__And I will change my ways  
__I'll know my name as it's called again_

"The Cave" - Mumford & Sons

* * *

Despite the jumping of her heart, Kensi's breathing was steady as she accelerated the SUV, taking the corner of Sunset Boulevard towards Benton Way with a speed slightly faster than was probably wise. Kensi jerked the wheel again quickly, turning down La Fayette Park Place in Silver Lake and darting a quick glance at her partner in the seat next to her.

Completely unbothered by her borderline reckless driving, Cody Keppinger was finishing off a text, slipping the phone into one of the buttoned pockets of his cargo pants. Kensi had to allow a quick grin for her brother as he sat back in his seat, surveying the street as they passed through suburbia.

"You might want to slow down a little bit, Kensi. The housewives are looking a little scared," Cody commented dryly, his green eyes amused and a smile tipping up the corners of his mouth. Kensi grinned in response, keeping her eyes on the road to avoid pedestrian casualties. She followed the curve of the asphalt, her eyes narrowing when she saw an unexpected cluster of vehicles blocking the street.

Sitting up in his seat, Cody gestured to the left. "Right there. Looks like the party started without us."

Kensi slammed on the brake hard, coming to stop a hundred feet back from the collection of LAPD, fire department, and ambulance vehicles. Noting that the police officers were geared up with bullet proof vests, Kensi jerked a shoulder towards the back of the car, silently communicating to her brother. Cody nodded once in agreement and got out of the car, moving immediately to the back to open the hatch and pull on his protective vest. Kensi did the same, knowing Cody would suit up just as fast as she did. After nearly nine years of partnership she'd come to know and expect every shift of his movements. She knew where Cody would be in any situation and she could depend on how he would react. Always by her side, and always to back her up.

"What do you think is going on?" Cody asked.

"Not sure. I'll check in with LAPD. Call Westin and Murphy, make sure they know the situation here. And see if Eric has anything," Kensi replied, making quick strides towards the cordoned off area. The "NCIS" on her vest and her badge got her through, and Kensi made her way to the officer in charge. When the man turned around, Kensi grinned at the coincidence.

"Detective Kyle Porter!"

"Agent Kensi Deeks! What's it been, two years? What the hell are you doing here?" Kyle asked, his friendly manner turning serious as his eyes slid up and down, taking in her heavy protective gear. "Or maybe I don't want to know the answer to that. Good things never seem to happen when you guys show up."

Kensi's grin widened. "You know that just isn't true, Porter." Kensi paused, then allowed. "Okay, things don't always go smooth. But we get the job done."

"It's funny how you say that and actually seem to believe it," Kyle joked. His eyes lit with memory and he smiled at Kensi. "I can't believe I haven't seen you and Deeks for so long. How's my namesake doing?"

At the mention of her son, eight years old and a bundle of energy, laughter, and a stubborn perfectionist streak that was the even blend of his parents, Kensi grinned, pulling out her phone to show the detective a photo of her son Kyle, soaking wet and sandy from the beach down the hill from their house in Malibu.

Kyle Porter shook his head in amazement. "I can't believe how big he's gotten. He looks like you."

Kensi smiled widely. "It's funny, I would have said he looks like Marty." Kensi glanced at the photo, her eyes taking in the young face so familiar and dear to her. Kyle had her brown hair, but his smile and blue eyes were all his father's. "He's finishing up third grade," Kensi said proudly. "And very proud to have mastered his multiplication tables."

Kyle nodded, his face turning serious as an officer approached and passed along a verbal report that had Kyle agreeing before he turned back to Kensi, slightly distracted. "I don't object to you being here, but why are you here? We've got a hostage situation going on."

"We've been following leads on a Navy Lieutenant suspected of selling experimental satellite tech. His name is Andrew Steele and he's on shore leave here in the Los Angeles are. We think he's here to broker some deals, and his ex-wife and son live on this street. We were coming to question her, to find out if she's seen him," Kensi offered. She watched as Kyle sighed and crossed his arms, reasoning his response probably wasn't a good sign.

"We're both in the right place then. Steele is inside and he has his ex-wife, son, and a third unidentified man held hostage. A neighbor called in gunshots thirty minutes ago and when we arrived Steele had the house locked down. We don't know if anyone is injured. The negotiator is just trying to make contact right now."

Kensi nodded slowly. "Any idea about what's going on and what he wants from his wife?"

"No idea. Maybe it's a custody thing? We're still trying to get some idea of the players and why Steele took his kid and ex-wife hostage. We're running the plates of the cars in the neighborhood to try and figure out who the third hostage in the house is. What do you guys have?"

"Not much, but I'll see what I can find out," Kensi replied briskly, pulling out her phone. As she turned to leave, Kyle called her name.

"I know it's been awhile already, but I forgot to say congratulations on the promotion, Special Agent in Charge."

Smiling her thanks, Kensi wove through the crowd of LAPD personnel, ducking under the yellow tape to join her team at the outskirts of the police activity. Cody had been joined by Junior Special Agents Murphy and Westin, the two agents she and Cody had been working with and training for the last two years.

Even after two years it still felt strange to be the leader of their team. After a few too many close calls while undercover, Sam had taken a job with the Department of the Navy in Los Angeles. Hetty had volunteered to craft a position for Sam in NCIS, but the opportunity with the Navy had been too good for him to pass up. Sam oversaw the Navy SEAL recruitment and development, a dream job in shaping future elite Navy sailors. Considering Sam had been nearly killed twice when his cover had been blown, it was Callen who urged his partner to take a job away from the dangers of undercover NCIS work.

Soon after, Callen left NCIS and disappeared. As much as it had hurt and as much as she missed him, Kensi understood. He'd wanted his partner safe. And once he'd secured that, many of his reasons for staying in Los Angeles were gone. Although neither Hetty nor Sam had ever confirmed her suspicion, Kensi had a feeling Callen was searching for his family. And for answers to questions he'd had for decades.

At the time, Kensi had wondered if the changing dynamics might be enough to tempt Deeks back to NCIS. Deeks had been working at Carter and Son, Attorneys at Law, for nearly seven years at that point. Kensi knew he was satisfied with his work and was proud of what he'd done to help advocate for younger kids in rough home lives, or for parents who couldn't get away from the abusive relationships they were in without expensive legal help. And thanks to the pro bono work his firm allowed him to do, Deeks was able to provide much of that legal help for free.

Still, Kensi knew Deeks missed being an agent. She knew he missed the thrill of solving cases, of chasing after the bad guys and doling out decisive justice in ways the law, with all the nuances of grey, didn't always allow. And even with friendly co-workers at the law firm, she knew he missed working with her, with Cody, Hetty, Eric and Nell. She knew because she missed it too. Nine years of partnership with Cody couldn't replace the five she'd had with Deeks.

They were partners in other ways now. Married almost a decade and parents to an eight-year-old boy. And there was Hailey, Deeks' sister, in college and graduating from Stanford in a month. They were a family and partners in ways more layered and different than before. But Kensi still missed Deeks as her partner at NCIS. So she'd wondered. She'd wondered if the changing dynamics might bring about a change in how Deeks thought about his career and their future.

And even though a part of her had wanted things to go back to how they'd been, and even with their family growing up, Kensi had known deep down that the reasons for Deeks' decision to leave NCIS hadn't really changed. Their son still needed them, needed the security of one parent safe and away from a dangerous job. Even grown up, Hailey still needed her brother and sister-in-law in her life. And Deeks still felt just as strongly as he had when they'd found Hailey that he could help kids like her, and could make a difference in the lives of people who needed his help.

Although she and Deeks hadn't talked about the possibility of him returning to NCIS two years ago when Callen left, she knew he'd been thinking about it. The question was always in the back of his mind. Sometimes she saw it clearly, saw his yearning to be a part of the action she and Cody relived during retellings at barbeques or over drinks. And other days, like when Deeks was playing Frisbee on the beach with Kyle or after he'd won a particularly hard case, she saw the wisp of wanting in his eyes vanish like a passing cloud.

Deeks was where he needed to be right now. The future could change again, but Kensi knew he was happy. And considering they'd successfully weathered five years of partnership, nine years of marriage, guiding a teenage pseudo daughter into adulthood, and corralling a rambunctious son, Kensi knew they had plenty to be content with.

The transitions at NCIS went much smoother than Kensi had anticipated. Hetty had promoted her to Callen's position, and Cody to Sam's. Hetty's confidence in her had Kensi determined not to let their Operations Manager down, though the idea of being accountable to Hetty, and to training junior agents, left Kensi more than a little apprehensive. The dynamics had changed further when Hetty recruited two junior agents, David Westin and Liam Murphy.

"Eric's checking records on Steele's wife," Westin said, his phone up to his ear, his brown eyes serious but calm. Kensi nodded at David, appreciating his no nonsense attitude. Dwarfing even Cody, Westin was tall and broad, a former Marine and a product of one of the roughest African American neighborhoods in South Central Los Angeles. As a teenager he'd escaped from the gangs he'd grown up surrounded by, finding structure and a home in the military.

Westin turned away, exchanging words with Eric, and Kensi turned to Cody and Liam as they checked each other's weapons, handing them back to each other. She couldn't quite suppress the smile on her face at the old superstition. On his first day with NCIS Liam had been assigned his weapon by Cody, who had been checking it out to him and while doing the intensive inspection of the gun, found a missing spring. The next time they'd retrieved their weapons from the armory Liam had wordlessly handed his gun to Cody, who had recognized the gesture and handed his over in return for examination.

When Kensi saw the ritual played out again later she'd questioned Liam about it. He'd joked that the Irish were just superstitious, and Kensi hadn't asked further. Cody took it in stride, knowing that in teams formed like theirs that bonds often came from superstition and tradition that didn't always make sense to outsiders. But he'd known that in the end it didn't make a difference to question it. He just rolled with it. And as a result, Cody and Liam had formed a deep bond of trust and mutual respect.

Tall and wiry, Liam was a former NYPD officer who had left the department under mysterious circumstances that even Kensi didn't know all the details of. She had a feeling Hetty knew more than she let on, but having been protective of her own secrets, Kensi didn't push. She figured Liam had a right to privacy about his past, as long as it didn't affect her team.

Growing up on the west side of Manhattan, Liam had the clipped voice of a native, and the black hair, sharp feature, and blue eyes that marked him as purely Irish, even after the generations passed since his family's immigration from Ireland. He wore his origins as obviously as his accent. Even without being told, Kensi had surmised he'd grown up without money and in a blue collar family.

Early on and after a long day of work capped off by a drink at a local dive bar, Kensi had asked about Liam's family back home in New York. She'd seen him tuck the pain of history away, his eyes guarded. He'd deflected, saying he wasn't in touch with them, even as Kensi could tell the thought pained him. Instead of pushing him, Kensi had allowed Liam space. And sensing that he'd come to Los Angeles partially to get away from demons at home and a bit on a whim, Kensi had invited Liam into her own family.

Kyle had more than a little bit of a hero worship crush on Liam, and although Liam had a more serious personality than Deeks, they'd struck up a friendship when Deeks offered to teach Liam to surf. As it turned out, Liam was terrible at surfing, but he excelled at tossing a football on the beach with Kyle while Kensi and Hailey occasionally surfed with Deeks.

"What did the police say?" Liam asked, tucking his gun into his thigh holster, crossing his arms over a broad chest. Kensi passed on the information she'd gotten from Detective Porter, and Cody and Liam exchanged a look that had her instantly on high alert.

"What? What are you guys thinking?" Kensi asked sharply.

"Nothing," Cody replied automatically. Narrowing her eyes, Kensi shook her head.

"No, I know that look."

"What look?" Cody asked, his face the picture of innocence. Kensi wasn't buying it. The amused glint in Liam's eyes would have given them away if Cody's studied nonchalance hadn't.

"The look that says I'm going to have a whole lot of paperwork to fill out to explain one of your crazy plans," Kensi warned. Cody grinned at Liam, who chuckled and held up his hands in gesture of deflection.

"Don't worry, Kensi. There's no building for us to rappel down and no high speed boat chase in our future," Cody tried to reassure her. Shaking her head, Kensi wasn't comforted. She couldn't deny her team was effective, but often Cody and Liam were the more reckless of the two partnerships. She and Westin balanced their respective partners out, but being the voice of reason wasn't always the preferred option when decisions had to be made in a split second and lives might be on the line.

"But there might be a plan to sneak past the LAPD perimeter and get access to the house from the back in our future," Liam admitted, to which Kensi sighed.

"I would have thought that you of all people would appreciate not wanting to get in the LAPD's way," Kensi replied pointedly, noting Liam's past as a cop.

Liam shrugged nonchalantly. "The police don't do everything right. They're too cautious sometimes."

Curious, but knowing it wasn't the time to press for more information, Kensi filed that observation away. She knew Liam occasionally had a short fuse, it was one of the reasons his partnership with Westin worked. The more cautious of the two, David helped Liam from going off on a tear without thinking and endangering the team while Liam pushed his partner passed his slightly restrained decision making to take risks based on instinct and quick judgment. They both left each other a little uncomfortable sometimes but Kensi had seen how it worked for them. They seemed to bring out the best in each other.

Liam was in his late twenties while David was in his early thirties. Their slight difference in age wasn't really a problem between. Both men had been matured thanks to their respective histories. Both had grown up in urban cities and even with their backgrounds as different as night and day, they'd found a kinship in each other. Even in those moments when Liam flaunted rational thought and David had the charge of bringing him back to reality.

"Let's hold off on jumping the police line and invading the house. I know the officer in charge and he'll keep us in the loop. Besides, a hostage situation takes some precedence. There are three civilians in there and we need to see Steele make it out alive so we can question him," Kensi remarked. Cody nodded easily, following her lead. Although Cody would speak up if he had a diverging opinion, his Marine background practically programmed him to follow the authority of the chain of command. And Kensi was at the top of that chain on their team.

"What else do we know about Andrew Steele?" Kensi asked, feeling impatient to get some traction on their case and hindered by the police and hostage situation. As the leader of their team she didn't have the luxury of showing her impatience, not when her team was looking to her to set the tone of their investigation. And perhaps reviewing the case would give them a new angle to consider.

"He's a fairly low level analyst, monitoring the data from Navy satellites," Liam supplied. "But he has access to sensitive data, and that's probably what he's looking to sell. What he doesn't have is the ability to interpret the data."

"Meaning?"

Liam turned to Cody to answer his question. "Meaning he's going to be looking for someone to provide translation of what he's selling. He's going to need someone a little higher up in the Navy with different access willing to partner on this."

"And willing to sell government secrets to an outside source," Cody replied grimly, a hint of disgust edging his voice.

"Which is why it's important for us to question him and find out who he's been talking to," Kensi agreed. "What about who he's seen while he's in Los Angeles?"

"He just got in last night when the _USS Rushmore _came into port in San Diego. But before he left the ship this morning he triggered an internal security alarm he didn't know was there when he downloaded classified information to an external hard drive. The Navy's automatic system immediately labeled the breach as a threat and NCIS was notified, and we've been tracking him since he left the ship," Liam replied.

"Phone calls? Who's he been talking to?" Kensi asked.

"He made three calls to a burner cell early this morning, then one call to Emily Soren, formerly Emily Steele. Used his own phone for all the calls. The call to his ex-wife lasted about two minutes and then I'm guessing she hung up on him," Liam replied. When Cody's eyebrows furrowed in confusion, Liam continued. "He then proceeded to make forty-two phone calls to Ms. Soren, each lasting about fifteen seconds, probably to leave angry messages on her phone."

"He's persistent, I'll give him that," Cody remarked.

"He's also kind of a hotheaded idiot," Liam said dryly. "Cell phone tracking had him taking a fairly direct path west when he suddenly veered east to Silver Lake, where his wife lives. Downloading sensitive information and then practically sprinting to Los Angeles? And getting sidetracked by something his ex-wife said that set him off? This guy isn't really thinking straight."

"We need to figure out what lit the fuse," Kensi said, thinking it might help to get at the root of their suspect's motivation.

"I think I can help with that," Westin said gruffly, turning back to the team as he hung up with Eric. He glanced at Kensi, the worry in his eyes making her spine tingle in uncomfortable instinct. But David seemed to tuck that concern away, addressing the team.

"Emily Soren filed for sole custody of their son this morning. She's citing emotional and physical abuse from her ex-husband and requesting that the court refuse to allow Andrew Steele to see his son."

"I bet that set him off," Cody agreed. Westin hesitated, again looking at Kensi in a telltale glance that had her heart beginning to quicken.

"What is it, David?" Kensi asked, cutting right to the core.

"The motion was filed on behalf of Emily Soren by a lawyer at Carter and Son, Attorneys at Law. Marty Deeks."

Kensi felt the blood drain from her head, the weight of her balance settling in the balls of her feet. She swayed for a second, reaching out and gripping Cody's arm. Her brother looked at her strangely, his hand going to her waist in support.

"Kens, what's wrong? It's a coincidence, but it's not that odd that Marty might be involved."

Kensi looked around at her team wildly, looking for one of them to understand where her mind had gone. Because the words were screaming inside her head but she couldn't say them out loud. Not without wanting to fall to her knees. She found her answer in Liam, whose blue eyes darkened to night, his lips pressing grimly until he spoke, the words clipped and low.

"There are three hostages."

Connecting the seemingly disparate facts, Cody's face changed from confusion to concern, his hand tightening at Kensi's back. When Kensi turned to him, she found the reassurance she needed, but couldn't quite make herself trust.

"It might not be him. It could be a neighbor or someone else."

Taking a deep breath, Kensi nodded, wanting to believe. But then she heard Liam's frustrated words to her right as he held his phone to his ear, beginning to pace. And his frustration seeped into her, making her feel desperate in a way she'd never thought she would ever again. Not since she and Deeks had been partners and his absolute safety hadn't been a sure thing. He was supposed to be safe now. Away from the dangers of a job where guns and dodging bullets was an everyday occurrence.

"Come on, Deeks. Answer your damn phone," Liam muttered insistently.

Kensi took a deep breath, willing the oxygen to calm her, to try and bring rational thought back to her brain. The tight knot in her chest, like a band around her lungs making it hard to breathe, seemed to be working against her.

Refusing to be destroyed by uncertainty and inaction, Kensi lifted her chin, drawing on stubborn resolve. She couldn't fall apart. Not with her team needing her to be strong. And not with Deeks needing her.

Kensi felt that resolve slip a little as she caught sight of Kyle Porter, ducking under the police line and striding directly towards her. His face was pinched and serious, any humor from their earlier exchange completely gone. She knew he was going to confirm exactly what she didn't want to hear when he came up short in front of her, his expression schooled to try and be comforting.

"Don't," Kensi whispered. At the question in Kyle's eyes, she continued. "Don't treat me like I can't handle what you're going to tell me."

Kyle weighed her request for a second, and then nodded slowly.

"We just got confirmation. His car is parked down the street. The hostage negotiator was able to get Andrew Steele to admit he has his wife and son hostage," Kyle paused. "And Deeks is in there, too. Steele wasn't expecting him and he got nervous when Deeks tried to talk him down. I'm sorry Kensi, but Deeks has been shot."

* * *

_To be continued_


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes: **Thank you for such a warm welcome back for this story/series and these characters. I was pretty blown away by the enthusiasm, but it has proven to be wonderfully motivating so I'll just say you have my deepest thanks. Didn't want to leave you all hanging too long wondering about Deeks, so we go immediately back into the action. As always, thanks to **MioneAlterEgo** for the beta read. And thanks to you for reading, alerting, favoriting, and taking the time to review.

* * *

He'd almost forgotten how much it hurt getting shot.

Deeks hissed as he sharply inhaled through his teeth, grinding his jaw upwards as he fought to keep his eyes open and the pain at bay.

"I'm so sorry," Emily Soren whispered, her voice apologetic and her eyes full of terror and misery. She was tying a towel around his upper arm where the bullet had hit, her worry reflecting her apology that he'd been shot and that she was putting him through further pain by trying to stop the bleeding. Deeks shook his head, dismissing her words as unnecessary. He glanced at his arm, trying not to be concerned at how the towel soaked up his blood but his head started to feel a little light and hazy.

It had been stupid. After meeting with Emily the day before, and hearing enough about her situation to warrant legal action, Deeks had filed a custody motion that morning. Upon arrival at Emily's house he'd found her frantic and her phone ringing nearly constantly. She'd told Deeks that she'd informed her ex-husband of the legal action to request sole custody of their son and Andrew Steele hadn't reacted well. Acting quickly, Deeks had suggested Emily go to her mother's house for a few days to let her ex-husband cool down, and they'd been about to leave the house when Steele showed up.

Thirty minutes, one trigger-happy Navy Lieutenant, a gun, and one attempt at calming Andrew Steele down, and Deeks had found himself with a bullet in his upper arm. He'd tried to defuse the situation first, but Steele clearly hadn't wanted to talk when he pulled his gun out. Deeks had quickly switched to minimizing the potential targets, physically putting himself between Steele and his ex-wife and son. He'd attempted to calm the man down, and when that hadn't worked, he'd tried to distract him.

It hasn't taken Deeks long to grow concerned about the uncertainty swimming in Steele's eyes and the slight tremble of his hand, his finger never leaving the trigger. Eventually Deeks had weighed the odds, finally deciding to try and get the gun away from Steele. Prolonging a hostage situation with an unsteady gunman almost never went well for the hostages. His decision made, Deeks had positioned himself to minimize the possibility of harm to Emily and her son, and he'd tried to body check Steele against the wall.

The crack of the gun, followed by the bullet embedding in his arm and knocking him flat on his back to stare up at the ceiling for a few breathless seconds, faded to an echo in his ears as he heard Emily's three-year-old son wailing in the background and the sound of Emily pleading. Emily fell silent after the all too familiar, telltale sound of a hand slapped against soft skin. Deeks had struggled to his feet, feeling anger pulse through him, the focal point the throbbing wound in his arm, and found Steele blocking the door.

The Navy Lieutenant stared disbelievingly down at the gun in his hand, then at the tear stained face of his son. The disbelief had turned to desperation that had Deeks on alert. If Andrew Steele felt like he had nothing to lose then he would be even more dangerous. Emily had been allowed to staunch the bleeding of his wound, and Deeks now struggled to sit upright on the couch. Deeks had tried convincing Steele to put the gun down, to sit and talk, but the man had resolutely refused. And the approaching sirens and flashing lights of the LAPD vehicles sifting through the midday sun streaming in the windows hadn't helped.

A few minutes earlier the phone in the house had rung. Without a word Steele had allowed Emily to answer it, and she'd passed along situational information Deeks knew would have the police immediately plotting the best way to end the hostage situation with the fewest lives lost. It took a few minutes for Steele to realize Emily might be sharing too much information, but once he had, he hung up the phone and refused to allow anyone to answer when it began to ring again.

It was almost comical how quickly his cell phone began ringing. It began within minutes after Emily told the LAPD that he was the third hostage in the house. Steele turned towards him, suspicion in his eyes, his gun pointed at Deeks' chest. Deeks raised a hand in surrender, grimacing when he couldn't lift his injured arm.

"It's just my phone. In my right pocket. There are people who are going to worry if I don't answer," Deeks said calmly. Gesturing with the gun, Steele allowed Deeks to pull the phone from his pocket. Before Deeks could glance at the screen or attempt to answer, Steele grabbed the phone.

"'Liam Murphy'? Who is he and why is he going to worry?" Steele challenged, his voice rough with stress.

It was a question Deeks had too. It wasn't abnormal for Liam to call him since they were friends, but it was odd timing considering he was in the middle of a hostage situation. He was willing to bet that somehow NCIS and Kensi's team had stumbled onto something related to Andrew Steele. Something bigger than Deeks' custody lawsuit. Even fate had a sense of humor.

Deeks weighed his options for the breath of a few seconds. He could lie. But it might just cause unforeseen problems later. And Steele didn't seem like he operated well under pressure. The wound in Deeks' arm was proof of that. It was risky, but Deeks was betting that with the addition of enough pressure that Steele would cave. In fact, he was counting on it.

"He's an NCIS agent," Deeks admitted, letting the words hang. Steele's reaction was instantaneous. He paled, further flattening himself against the wall as if he was attempting to disappear within the house.

"Why is an NCIS agent calling you?" Steele asked, his voice strangled. Deeks' eyes narrowed, knowing there was the logical reason why Liam was calling since they were friends, but he had the nagging suspicion there might another answer to the question.

"I have close associations with NCIS. I used to be an agent," Deeks said, supplying an answer, but also sidestepping the question. "I think the real question is why did they call so quickly?" Studying Steele closely, Deeks zeroed in on his clenched jaw and nervous eyes. "What has NCIS on your tail so closely?"

"There's no way they could know. No way. Not that quickly!" Steele blurted out. Deeks grinned, tamping down the pain in his arm to convey nothing but the picture of confidence.

"You must have done something really, really bad," Deeks remarked casually. "And I think you're underestimating how skilled NCIS is at tracking things you think they don't know about."

The whimper from behind him had Deeks standing slowly, and turning his body as a physical block between Steele and Emily. He refused to glance back at Emily, knowing what he would see. And Deeks couldn't allow himself to be distracted by the sight of Emily's young son, so frightened and confused.

Protective instincts he hadn't known he had were kicked into gear when he'd first become Kensi's partner. He'd had partners before her. People he'd disliked, some he hadn't trusted, and some he'd cared for and trusted deeply. But Kensi was different. Had been since the moment their eyes had met across that gym when he was Jason and she was Tracey. They'd weathered difficult storms as partners and their trust had grown. That tended to happen when death nearly smacked you in the face on a daily basis. And bonds formed, stitching together and strengthening over time like muscle continually used until trust was like muscle memory-innate, reactive, and predictable.

Those protective instincts had only deepened with time and their bond, formed through years of hard choices, deep trust, support, and acceptance. Finding his sister and taking care of her, helping her grow in strength and watching her personality flourish away from an abusive home had only solidified his protective side. But he'd been totally unprepared for what it meant to be a father, what is meant to be a father to his and Kensi's son.

He worried about their son when Kyle wasn't in sight. As much as Kyle was his own person, Deeks also thought of him as an extension of himself and Kensi. He was proud of the eight-year-old's growing independence, his obvious complexities and contradictions, and Deeks was never more amazed than when he witnessed Kyle acting in ways wholly his own. Like when he'd made a scrapbook of photos of Monty shortly after their dog passed away, giving it to his parents with solemn blue eyes. Or when Kyle wrestled with Hailey, his aunt in name and sister in every other real way, with an abandon and joyful glee that Deeks couldn't quite imagine. But then he'd never had siblings. Or a home where such playfulness was allowed.

Deeks was protective of Kyle's right to be safe and unharmed by the world. Just as he was occasionally overprotective of Hailey because of how much she'd gone through in the first twelve years of her life. Hailey sometimes chaffed against his efforts to protect her, and Deeks tried to restrain himself, succeeding more than his sister probably realized. And Deeks' couldn't help but feel some of his protective instincts for his family extended to the families and children he tried to help through his job.

And that was why Deeks couldn't look at Samuel Soren, only three years old and far too young to be faced with his father holding a gun. The fact that the afternoon's events had escalated to the point where Samuel had seen a man shot and his mother backhanded by his father meant Deeks had already failed to protect the boy. And in order to try and ensure things didn't get worse, Deeks couldn't allow himself to be distracted by Samuel.

Meeting Steele's eyes, Deeks tried to look sympathetic. He'd allowed a quick glance out the window and had discerned that the police were still holding back. At least for now. There was no telling how long that would last, especially if they couldn't talk to someone inside the house and determine that civilians were unharmed.

Although he kept his expression calm, Deeks felt the sweat bead along his hairline, trickling down his back. He didn't know if it was from the changing temperature of the house, which seemed to have gone from boiling to frigid in the last few minutes, or the tension of the situation. In the back of his mind a voice that sounded suspiciously like Kensi's lectured him that he was experiencing the symptoms of shock. And Deeks knew he might not have long before he passed out. And then he wouldn't be a help to either Emily or Samuel.

"Look, Andrew? If you've done something that has NCIS following you then it really would be better for you to end this now," Deeks urged gently, keeping his voice low. "And the police aren't going to just sit out there and wait for you to decide what to do."

Steele shook his head resolutely, but didn't say anything.

"What do you want? What are you trying to get out of this?" Deeks pressed, keeping his voice open and curious, trying to draw Steele out.

Steele swallowed and gulped on air, his voice strangled as his eyes darted from Deeks to his son, huddled behind his mother.

"I just wanted a better life for my son. I wanted to give him a better life," Steele whispered. Deeks tamped down the irritated narrative in his head that wanted to chide Steele for using theft and violence as a means to achieve that better life. It wasn't what the man needed to hear in order to put his weapon down.

"I get that. I do, really," Deeks insisted when Steele fixed him with a disbelieving look. "I have a son. He's eight and I want nothing more than for him to have a better life than I did."

Deeks could speak honestly and without even a trace of a lie in his voice. There were only a few things Deeks felt were absolute truths. He would do anything to help and defend his friends and extended family. He loved Kensi with an intensity that made him question how he'd lived his life before he'd known her. Hailey had to be protected at all costs and given a better life than she'd been born into. And Kyle would never experience the kind of pain and rejection he and Hailey had.

"So what do I do?" Steele asked quietly, a note of defeat creeping into his voice. "I can't just give up. I'll never get out. They'll never let me see him."

Andrew gazed longingly at his son and Deeks let his guard down a moment, allowed himself to see that for all his faults, Andrew Steele really did want to be a good father for his son. Despite that longing, he wasn't capable. Deeks thought of the abuse Emily had recounted to him, and the obvious evidence of the man's flexible morals and violent nature from that afternoon. Even with that in mind, it didn't mean Steele didn't love his son.

"You don't give up. You give in. There isn't any way to get out of this except for you do put your gun down and walk outside with your hands up. You pay for your crimes and you put your son first," Deeks said firmly. "And you put him first by doing what is best for him."

Andrew's shoulders slumped and he sank to his knees, the finger around the trigger of the gun relaxing and loosening. He nodded to himself, his gaze looking far away and resigned. After several seconds he struggled to his feet, leaning over Deeks on the couch to place the gun on the table. In the corner of the room Emily sobbed in relief, the sound increasing as Steele returned to the front door, opening it slowly and then raising his arms to step outside. He allowed one last glance at his son before he disappeared into the blinding white of the afternoon sun.

"Wait, Emily, just wait," Deeks urged, struggling to stay awake, the blood loss making him lightheaded. He could hear the distant din of the police ordering Steele to the ground and he held his breath, hoping he wouldn't hear a gunshot. But he didn't want Emily and Samuel out in the confusion of the police taking Steele down. He could at least protect them from that last violent action.

Finally though, enough time passed and the police were entering the house with the paramedics right behind them. Deeks waited until he saw Emily and Samuel were being attended to and he closed his eyes, letting his head drop onto the back of the couch. He sighed, the darkness behind his eyes welcoming as his arm throbbed with pain.

He heard the paramedics reciting the details of his injury. It sounded like they thought his blood loss was a concern. Deeks couldn't really muster up the energy to be worried. He was almost content to drift away towards unconsciousness and welcome oblivion when he heard the most jarring, insistent, and wonderful words he'd heard all day.

"Get the hell out of my way!"

Deeks struggled to open his eyes, the blurry image of Kensi at the doorway crystalizing into a vision of her flushed and angry face, her eyes flashing with impatience and shining with worried tears he knew she was fighting. Behind her, Deeks could just barely make out the rest of her team. Cody Keppinger, David Westin, and Liam Murphy made a pretty imposing backup team. And it was one the police officer at the door didn't want to take on. He stepped aside, letting Kensi rush to Deeks' side.

At the paramedic's cautionary words, Kensi didn't even turn to look at the man as she snapped, "I'm his wife. I'm staying right here."

Deeks turned his head towards Kensi's touch, closing his eyes briefly at the feel of her fingers in his hair, at her hand cupping his jaw and then her fingers reaching to rest against his neck. When she asked the paramedic sharply about why his heart rate was so slow and what was taking so long to get him transferred to the hospital, Deeks kept silent. He knew Kensi would take care of him.

Pain brought him sharply back as the paramedics eased him onto the stretcher. It felt like he was being lifted and carried and Deeks grimaced and struggled to open his eyes. When he finally did the pattern of the sun through the Japanese maple in Emily Soren's front yard shifted in shadows and bursts of sun. But it was Kensi's face over him that shaded his eyes, and her ponytail that fell over her shoulder and brushed across his face that felt familiar and comforting. The queasy motion below him paused for a second and Deeks swallowed with difficulty, fixing his eyes on Kensi's, the shimmering concern nearly undoing him. Deeks hated that he'd made her worry. He'd pretty much avoided that for almost nine years.

"Hey, honey. You won't believe the day I've had."

Deeks managed to force the words out, the humor missing in his usually bright and amused voice but the effort made all the same. Kensi choked out a watery chuckle, shaking her head once and releasing a breath that seemed to ease some of the tension from her body. He felt the sharp pinch in his arm and closed his eyes, not wanting to think about the needle piercing his skin. Knowing Kensi was nearby helped. Deeks latched onto that, knowing that Kensi would look out for him. She always had.

Vaguely he felt the ground falling away as he was lifted on the stretcher and into an ambulance. He heard Kensi's insistent voice demanding to come with him inside the ambulance and felt her hand on his arm, her fingers brushing down his forearm of his uninjured arm to lace her fingers with his.

"Your case," Deeks mumbled, something in the back of his mind remembering that Andrew Steele had somehow caught the attention of NCIS.

Again, Kensi's soothing fingers sank into his hair and her voice was warm and comforting in his ear.

"Don't worry about it. I have a whole team to help me. I'm not going anywhere, except with you."

Deeks nodded against her hand, trying to ignore the bumps of the road and sinking into a comfortable haze in small part thanks to whatever drugs they were giving him, but mostly because once again, Kensi had his back. Just as she always would.

* * *

Kensi circled around the waiting room outside the surgery wing of the hospital, wishing she could will herself to sit down and wait calmly. It had been a few hours since she'd nearly felt her world crumbling beneath her feet for the twenty-four minutes she'd been outside Emily Soren's house worrying about her husband inside, injured and a hostage of a Navy Lieutenant with bad judgment.

Almost immediately upon arrival at the hospital Deeks had been wheeled into surgery. The doctor had assured her his outlook looked good. But the bullet was still embedded in his arm and the loss of blood was troubling. Since then all she could do was wait.

Cody kept her appraised by text message about what was happening with their case. They'd managed to use their "federal trumps local crime" card and had gotten Andrew Steele released to NCIS. Her team was at the Boat Shed questioning Steele and trying to get a handle on what data he was selling, who he was working with, and who he was trying to sell top secret satellite intelligence to. And Cody had been adamant that Kensi stay at the hospital and that they had things under control. If Kensi hadn't gotten the message from his words, the all-caps and devil horn emoticons did the trick, while also making her smile.

She'd been so preoccupied with the mind numbing distraction of waiting that she'd forgotten Hailey was driving back into town that afternoon for a long weekend visit from college. Chiding herself, Kensi had called her sister-in-law, relieved and grateful that Hailey had gotten to their home in Malibu several hours earlier, and upon finding her brother unreachable by phone, had taken the initiative to go and pick Kyle up from school.

"Mom!"

Kensi lifted her head, forcing a confident smile on her face for her son. Kyle ran to her, wrapping his arms around her middle. Kensi leaned down to kiss the top of his head and ran a comforting hand across his back. Kyle had always been the demonstrative type, always running to her or Deeks for hugs, using every opportunity to beg Hailey to carry him on her back so he could wrap his arms around her neck and hold on tight. Kensi knew he was growing up and in a few short years he would be a teenager and moments like these would be few and far between. So Kensi hugged her son close, wanting to reassure him while also latching onto him as a tangible connection to Deeks.

"How is he?" Hailey asked, approaching slower than Kyle, her brown eyes shadowed with worry and anxiously chewing her lower lip. Kensi smiled at Hailey, and pulled her into a hug when Kyle finally released her long enough so she could embrace Deeks' younger sister.

"He's okay. He's been in surgery for a few hours. The doctor should be out and he should be in a recovery room soon," Kensi assured them, the two children in her and Deeks' lives.

Studying Hailey carefully, and seeing how she nodded and swallowed her fear for her brother, Kensi was struck at her bravery. And at how Hailey was no longer a child. She and Deeks had gotten Hailey when she was not quite a teenager. But now, tall and lithe, with warm brown eyes, a smile like her brother's, freckles across her nose, and dark blonde hair that tended to curl and tangle, Hailey was a pretty young woman. She was reaching the end of her senior year at Stanford studying art and business, and she was set to graduate in only a few short weeks.

"He's really going to be okay?" Hailey whispered, needing the added reassurance from Kensi. Pausing before she answered, Kensi remembered that if there was one rule in the Deeks household, it was that they didn't lie to each other. Not about the big stuff or the small stuff.

Nodding, Kensi looked at Kyle and Hailey, gently squeezing their shoulders. "The doctor thinks so. We need to wait until he's out of surgery to make sure, but—"

"Mrs. Deeks?"

Kensi whirled around as the approaching nurse called for her. She moved quickly to meet the woman halfway, feeling Kyle bump up behind her and Hailey reach for her hand.

"How is he?" Kensi demanded, knowing it had to be the most clichéd and often asked question in the hospital but not caring. The nurse smiled with ease.

"He's doing well. He's in recovery. He's awake and talking and asking for all of you. I can take you to him, if you'll come with me."

Nodding eagerly, Kensi followed the nurse, turning through the maze of hallways and corners until the nurse gestured to the open door of a private recovery room. Kyle bounded into the room ahead of her and Kensi tried to reach for him, worried at the state Deeks might be in. She rounded the corner of the doorway and breathed with relief when she saw Deeks holding their son close to his chest, his uninjured arm wrapped around his back, murmuring words of comfort into his ear.

Kensi leaned against the doorway, hearing the sniffling and teary words Kyle was whispering to Deeks and allowing them a few minutes alone. Deeks looked up at her, relief and love so bright in his eyes that all she could do was wipe away the tears that fell down her cheeks. She couldn't believe how close they might have come to losing him. It wasn't supposed to have been like this. Deeks was supposed to be safe. If anyone belonged in that hospital bed it was her.

Taking a deep breath, Kensi realized in the rush to get to Deeks' room that she'd lost Hailey's hand in hers. Seeing Hailey wasn't immediately behind her, Kensi backtracked down the hallway, turning the corner and pulling up short, her shock at what she saw making her jaw drop and her heart stutter.

Hailey was crying, her head bowed and her arms wrapped tightly around Liam Murphy. And Liam had his arms around Hailey's back, one hand cradling the back of her head with familiarity that couldn't be mistaken. He held her like he had every right to.

Kensi could only stare, her brain arguing with what her eyes witnessed. Hailey and Liam knew each other, had known each other since Liam joined Kensi's team two years ago. They'd been friendly enough, but there wasn't anything strictly friendly in their embrace. Hailey was gripping Liam with an intensity that told Kensi she practically needed him to physically hold her up and Liam held her tightly but with a gentleness that Kensi had never seen him bestow on anyone. Liam tended to hold himself back from physical displays of affection. He could take a high five or a back slap, but Kensi had long sensed that an arm around his shoulder or a hug would make him uncomfortable.

Kensi felt the breath fill her lungs when she finally inhaled, realizing there was something more going on between Deeks' sister and her junior agent than she and Deeks had any inkling of. And in that moment, with her husband recovering from a bullet wound and the ongoing case involving a possible breach of national security, it was just more than she could deal with.

As if sensing her presence, Liam looked up over Hailey's head, his blue eyes flashing briefly with surprise. But Kensi noted he didn't release Hailey, and there was no apprehension on his face. He murmured to Hailey, who immediately tensed and turned to meet Kensi's eyes, her face flushing bright. She opened her mouth to say something but Kensi resolutely shook her head. She couldn't process whatever was going on with Liam and Hailey. Not in that moment.

"He's awake. Why don't you go in an see him?" Kensi suggested evenly. Hailey bobbed her head once, extricating herself reluctantly from Liam's embrace and passing Kensi down the hallway. She caught the slightly guilty glance Hailey cast her way as she passed, but Kensi kept her eyes straight ahead, staring at Liam.

After a few seconds, Liam straightened and approached her. He stayed silent and Kensi had to admire his fortitude. He'd been caught practically red handed in a quasi romantic situation with her almost-daughter and he refused to be cowed by her steely gaze. It infuriated and impressed her in the same breath.

"We have a development in the Andrew Steele case," Liam said, moving past what Kensi had witnessed and returning to business. Knowing he wouldn't have come unless it was something big, Kensi crossed her arms, grateful to have something else to discuss.

"Do we know what he was selling? And who he was selling it to?"

Liam shook his head. "Not yet. Because he doesn't even know who he was selling it to. But he already gave up his partner. We're working on a plan to smoke out the buyers and we need you."

* * *

_To be continued_


	3. Chapter 3

**Note: **There may have been a hiccup with the website when I posted Chapter 2 awhile back, so if you start this still wondering what happened after Deeks got shot, or what in the world is going on, I suggest checking back with the previous chapter. Otherwise, thanks to **MioneAlterEgo **for being my awesome beta, and thanks to all of you for reading, alerting, favoriting, and reviewing. On with the show, hope you enjoy.

* * *

Kensi shifted her eyes from the direction of Deeks' room back to Liam. She knew where she wanted to be. Her husband had just been shot and her family needed her. Not to mention there was the curious and surprising development that her twenty-two-year-old sister-in-law was apparently in some kind of intimate, clandestine relationship with her most promising junior agent. As an aside, she definitely wanted more details on that from Hailey.

Knowing in good conscience that she had to at least hear what had developed in their questioning of Andrew Steele, Kensi rubbed her forehead and sighed, then gestured for Liam to continue.

"Steele didn't take much to crack. We pretty much had to tell him to shut up until we could get him into the Boat Shed so we could record his confession." Liam smirked a little while Kensi shook her head. "He was coming to Los Angeles to meet a woman, Ensign Lisa Hale. According to Steele, she has access to the encryption key that will unlock the satellite data he stole. And she was going to take him to their buyer."

"He doesn't know who the buyer is?" Kensi asked. Liam shook his head.

"Steele was pretty in the dark on the details. He didn't bother to ask and she didn't volunteer."

Feeling the wisps of hair loosened from her ponytail brush over her forehead, Kensi impatiently combed them back with her fingers, and then crossed her arms.

"What do we know about Lisa Hale?"

"She works at the Navy's Data Center headquartered here in Los Angeles where literally millions of terabytes of data are supposed to be secure. She definitely has the access. Her record is clean, so we don't have motivation for her betraying her country," Liam's eyes hardened, the only outward sign of his anger. "But we'll find it."

Kensi studied Liam, noting that seething interest just below the surface. She'd noticed Liam had something of a chip on his shoulder about loyalty. He didn't trust easily, and he didn't tolerate those who betrayed trust, especially to their team and country. "Do we need Steele along for the undercover?"

"That was part of him trying to negotiate himself a deal," Liam replied wryly. "He gave up Hale, even volunteered to help us entrap her. Instead we just went to her station at the Navy Data Center and picked her up. Cody and David are transporting the ensign to the Boat Shed for questioning."

Kensi nodded, though her impatience rose to the surface. She was a professional about her job, but her family would always come first. And right then she didn't want to be in the hallway discussing an NCIS case. "It sounds like you guys have everything under control. Cody knows how to interrogate a suspect."

"It looks like from the initial scrub of her communications that she's never met with the buyer in person, but Hetty doesn't entirely trust that they haven't looked her up some other way. And the ensign did pass along Steele's record as a kind of collateral to prove she had access to the data, so the buyer knows who he is. On short notice we don't have a lot of options for who can impersonate Ensign Hale," Liam replied, holding up his phone so Kensi could see the photo from Ensign Lisa Hale's service record. Taking the phone, Kensi saw that there was a passing resemblance between her and the ensign, though nobody would mistake them for the same person. Hale's hair was a shade darker and her eyes were green, and even in her gaze looking at the camera there was defiance lifting her chin and tightening her jaw.

Scrolling through Hale's service record, Kensi saw that the woman was over a decade younger than her. Even in her early forties, Kensi knew she could pass for ten years younger than she was. Lifting her eyes to Liam, she saw that he was waiting for her to catch on. He nodded when he saw the understanding in her eyes.

"Hetty thinks I should go undercover as Ensign Hale," Kensi said, confirmed by the nod of Liam's head. "And that means I need to get to the Boat Shed." Another nod. "Right now." Nod.

Kensi sighed, for the breath of a second hating the job that was going to take her away from Deeks and their family when she only wanted to stay. Considering Liam's presence at the hospital, and the embrace she'd witnessed earlier, Kensi's eyes narrowed.

"You guys could have called me. Why did you come all the way here?" Kensi asked. In a rare moment of nervousness, Liam's gaze shifted from hers and he paused, seeming to grasp at words.

"I volunteered. It was on the way," Liam said defensively. Under Kensi's direct stare, he sighed. "And I wanted to see how—how you all were."

She heard the hitch in his voice, the name that had been on the tip of his tongue. Clearly Liam stubbornly didn't want to admit it, but he was there for Hailey. And as much as Kensi was trying to see past her confusion at what she'd seen, and the fact that clearly Hailey was keeping something—someone—a secret from her and Deeks, she couldn't deny that Liam seemed unsettled and worried about Hailey. And worried and unsettled wasn't something Liam Murphy did easily or willingly.

Deciding to let it go for the moment, Kensi nodded, handing Liam back his phone. "Give me a few minutes. I'll meet you at the front desk."

At Liam's hesitation, and the quick glance down the hallway in the direction Hailey had gone, Kensi straightened, sharpening her words. "Five minutes. At the front desk. Now, Murphy."

Although he looked as though he wanted to say something, Liam swallowed his words and turned to walk away. Kensi waited until he was out of sight, then turned around to walk back to Deeks' room, shaking her head the whole way. At the doorway, she took a deep breath, putting a smile on for her family. It was really for Kyle's benefit. Deeks would see whatever was in her eyes, and Hailey had become more and more astute at reading her over the years. But Kyle was a sensitive boy, and he often looked to her or Deeks for how he should feel. Kensi knew if she was strong then Kyle would draw from that.

They all looked up as she entered the room, happiness on the faces of her husband and son, and guarded concern on Hailey's face. Kensi went around to Deeks' side, leaning over him to press a kiss to his lips. She kept the pressure gentle, but she closed her eyes and breathed deep, pulling the scent of him in even with the layers of hospital smells trying to wipe the smell away. And when Deeks' hands went to her arms, reaching as far as he could and having to stop at cupping her elbows and gently tugging her closer, Kensi smiled against his lips, careful to keep her weight off of him even as he tried to pull her in.

Laughing against his lips, Kensi gave him one last kiss before she finally pulled back. The distance between them wasn't enough to keep their noses from bumping and Kensi saw the relief in Deeks eyes, veiled only by the clear worry and fatigue beginning to cloud his face. Her laugh caught in her throat as Kensi realized Deeks had been worried about her. Reaching up, Kensi smoothed back the tangle of his hair at his forehead, noticing how easily Deeks closed his eyes and leaned into her touch.

"The doctor said he's going to be fine," Hailey said softly. "He had to leave on rounds, but he said he would be back to check on Marty later. Where were you?"

Hailey's question probably hadn't been meant to sound accusatory, but Kensi heard it that way. Just as she knew that the guilt she was already feeling about having to leave Deeks just as he'd been injured was entirely self-created. Kensi looked at Hailey, who held her eyes with uncertain curiosity. And she wanted to hold onto her surprise and anger at whatever secret Hailey had been keeping about Liam, and the state of their relationship. But faced with the unmistakable worry and longing on Hailey's face, and knowing that at twenty-two Hailey was still so very young when it came to life, Kensi felt her earlier anger dissolving.

"I was talking with Liam. He was briefing me on our case," Kensi looked at Deeks regretfully. "I have to go in."

She watched Deeks closely, looked for any disappointment or anger. He simply nodded, his eyelids turning heavy as the day was clearly beginning to catch up to him.

"It's okay, Kens, I understand. Go make the world safe," Deeks murmured, his absolute confidence in her warming his voice and washing over her like the sun. Kensi's heart melted at his words, which made her equally wish to stay as well as do exactly what he felt so instinctively and strongly she was capable of. He turned his head to wink at Kyle. "Besides, I've got my guy and Hailey here to take care of me. Right, Little Sister?"

Kyle grinned widely, pride shining in his eyes at being given such an important responsibility over his father. Hailey rolled her eyes a little at the nickname Deeks had for her, but her blush and smile gave away her true feelings and fondness for her brother.

Their family was always the first priority, had been since Deeks had made the strong statement of quitting NCIS and returning to the law so he could be there to care for Hailey, continuing on after Kyle was born. One of them was always supposed to be safe, away from a dangerous job. Kensi found she couldn't manage to swallow past the lump in her throat and had to blink back the threat of tears in her eyes. Even with all their precautions Deeks had almost been killed. And if it was going to happen, if one of them was going to get hurt, it never should have been him.

It was the unsaid reality of their situation. Kensi was the one in a dangerous job. If anyone was at risk, it was her. They'd never discussed it, but Kensi knew at times it was a struggle for Deeks to be at peace with her job and the dangers she faced. Especially now that he was no longer there to watch her back.

For herself, after the decision had been made for her to stay at NCIS, she'd been relieved. If anyone was going to have the job that could possibly lead to death, she preferred that it was her. It was much easier for her to live her life and operate without distraction knowing her husband and the man she loved was safe. But today, the safety of that understanding, something she'd held absolute and had counted on every single day for almost nine years, had been completely shattered.

Allowing herself one last glance at her husband, Kensi reached for his hand and squeezed it tightly before she stepped back, reluctant to turn around and leave even as she knew she had to.

"I'll be back as soon as I can," Kensi promised, catching and holding Deeks' eyes with hers. He nodded easily, trusting her promise without question.

As she turned to leave, Kensi slid her eyes over to Hailey, tilting her head in an unmistakable message. Hailey didn't wilt under her gaze, merely straightened her shoulders and lifted her chin in that confident way so like her brother that Kensi's breath caught for a second. Following her out into the hallway, Kensi turned to face Hailey a few feet from the doorway to Deeks' room.

Silent for a long minute, Kensi studied the young woman who had started off as a kind of daughter, and the girl who had become a sister and friend to her. She couldn't help but think of the first years when Hailey had come to live with them. She'd been shy and uncertain, and it had taken years for her to escape the crippling weight of her childhood demons. Being given up and left behind by her mother, by her and Deeks' mother, with barely a backwards glance from the woman she'd thought loved her unconditionally, had made Hailey wary to trust.

Hailey shared that trait with Liam. Kensi knew her junior agent had secrets from his past, things that made him cautious and suspicious in ways that spoke to her of loss and regret. And even though the fact that Hailey had lied to her, or at the least misled her, still stung a little, Kensi could feel the beginnings or acceptance of whatever Hailey and Liam might have.

"Anything you want to tell me?" Kensi asked softly, keeping her voice encouraging. Hailey seemed to gulp down a deep breath and she raised wide brown eyes to Kensi's face, searching for acceptance, or anger, or maybe disappointment. She must have seen what she needed to see, because Hailey nodded quickly.

"I'm sorry, I should have told you and Marty. Liam and I have been seeing each other for over six months. He wanted to tell you guys. I told him not to, don't blame him," Hailey rushed to explain, quickly trying to absolve Liam.

Kensi allowed a conceding nod, even as she couldn't help but feel a touch of disappointment at her team member. They operated as a team, and a team had to have a foundation of trust. Even as she felt that disappointment, a voice objected insistently in her head that Liam's relationship with Hailey had nothing to do with their work, with their team there. But Kensi also knew that she'd never been good at separating family from work. She and Deeks were the evidence of that.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Kensi asked curiously.

Hailey sighed, nervously pulling down the sleeves of her shirt to cover her hands. "I didn't want the attention it would bring. I wanted to see if we could be whatever we might have the promise of being without everyone knowing about it."

Intellectually, Kensi understood Hailey's rationale. But emotionally, it still felt like a secret. And she knew that Deeks would be hurt by the omission. No matter how valid Hailey's thinking might have been, Deeks would feel as though he'd failed in some way. That somehow he'd made Hailey feel like she couldn't tell him something so important to her.

"Six months?" Thinking back, Kensi suddenly began to realize she'd seen the signs but they hadn't registered. They were almost invisible until she was looking for them. Hailey coming home from Stanford more frequently. Liam disappearing for long weekends and tightlipped about where he'd been. The smiles that had seemed merely friendly, but could carry a tinge of something deeper. Liam had fit into the Deeks family so easily that she hadn't noticed he might have become such a fixture in Hailey's life, too.

"At Thanksgiving," Hailey confirmed quietly. "It wasn't planned, it just kind of happened." Hailey paused, clearly struggling for the words. "We were laughing about something on the beach at sunset, after everyone had gone back to the house and next thing I knew, he kissed me." Hailey's eyes turned soft and she laughed at the memory. "Or I kissed him, I don't really know anymore."

Kensi smiled at the surprised wonder in Hailey's voice, sensing the uncertainty and hint of confusion about her relationship with Liam. He was older than her by about five years. And although Hailey had had a few boyfriends before, Kensi knew none of them had been serious. Not in the way Liam appeared to be.

"What are you thinking?" Hailey asked, the worry plain on her face. And that was how Kensi knew that Hailey not telling them was okay. Because Hailey wouldn't be so worried about Kensi's reaction if she hadn't already questioned and turned things over and over in her head. It told Kensi that Liam was important to Hailey.

"I think I'm still a little surprised, and I wish you'd told us sooner. But you can always tell me anything—"

"I love him."

Hailey blurted the words out, as if she couldn't possibly contain them any longer. And Kensi tried to smile, knowing the lift of her lips wasn't quite able to hide what had to look like worry furrowing her brow. It was so familiar. A young woman still in college, and an older, intense man who meant so much that professions of love came without hesitation. It was déjà vu, but Kensi found herself on the opposite side of the story this time. She'd felt that kind of love before, had thought it unshakeable. She'd thought nothing could come between her and Jack and the life they'd planned. Youthful blindness had faded to the harsh glare of reality when Jack had returned from war a changed man who ultimately couldn't live the life they'd planned together.

Kensi mentally pushed the memories away, stubbornly refused to harness Hailey and Liam with her history. Hailey wasn't Kensi. And Liam certainly wasn't Jack. The similarity had startled her for a second, but Kensi knew Hailey needed her to listen and it wasn't fair to expect Hailey's relationship to bear any resemblance to hers with Jack.

"Aren't you going to say something?" Hailey asked tentatively. Kensi breathed deep, feeling like she could understand something of what the General had felt twenty years ago when she'd told him she planned to marry Jack. Robert Keppinger had reacted as any stubborn father might. He'd been angry at seeing what he thought was her throwing her life and career away to become the wife of a Marine. And Kensi had reacted with equal stubbornness, not seeing his concern as caring, merely as interference. They'd both dug their heels in and it had resulted in a rift between them for almost ten years. There was no way Kensi was going to allow that to happen with Deeks' sister.

Kensi managed a huff of a laugh. "It's a lot to take in. My sister-in-law is dating my junior agent. My husband was shot today. And I have to leave my family to go work."

Her words had started off amused, but by the end the anger hardened them. And Kensi was frustrated at the hot prickle of tears that required her to lift her chin and sniff loudly so she wouldn't cry. But she had to be better than the forces of the things pressing down on her. She had to handle it like the authoritative federal agent, and strong mother and wife she was expected to be.

Hailey surprised her, stepping close to Kensi and wrapping her arms around her to squeeze her tightly. And Kensi had a feeling she surprised Hailey in return by warmly hugging her back, holding on for longer than the usual, comforting hug. When she did finally pull back, Kensi had to smile and shake her head. Hailey was as tall as she was, and she stared Kensi back straight in the eye, her eyes sympathetic and understanding. Somewhere along the way Hailey really had grown up. In so many ways.

"We understand. And you know Marty gets it. We'll be here when you get back," Hailey grinned then. "We'll miss you like crazy until you do, so don't take too long."

Hailey's voice was light with humor, and Kensi knew she was trying to make her feel better. But there was truth there as well. She would be missed, and there would be a family watching the door and waiting for her to return. Which was all the more reason to leave. So she could come back as quickly as was possible.

"Think about telling your brother about Liam. Not here in the hospital, but soon, okay?" Kensi suggested gently. "I don't like keeping secrets from him."

"Neither do I," Hailey replied softly. And she nodded quickly, accepting Kensi's suggestion even as her lips pressed together nervously.

With a last comforting smile, Kensi finally turned to walk away, glancing back with a wave of her hand before she turned the corner to head towards the front of the hospital where Liam would be waiting for her. He was checking his phone as she approached and Kensi had a feeling she knew who had texted him with a warning that she was coming.

"I guess the cat's out of the bag," Kensi remarked dryly. Liam lifted her eyes to meet hers, the first hint of uncertainty passing over his face. He opened his mouth to respond, but Kensi held up a hand to stop him. "Hailey explained. And I know she told you to keep it quiet and I even admire the fact that you wanted to tell us. But you didn't."

Liam sighed, raking a hand through his thick black hair. "And now you feel like you can't trust me."

"Blunt as ever, Murphy," Kensi murmured, uncomfortable with how quickly he'd gotten to the root of it all, even as she knew he was right. Honesty sometimes hurt, and it was sometimes easier to keep secrets. But he deserved honesty from her, even if it was painful for her to say and him to hear. "I don't know what I think right now. But I do know we have a case. We'll figure the rest out."

Although he looked as if he wanted to argue with her, Liam nodded reluctantly. It was a sign of how much he'd changed in two years that he didn't try to push her for answers. Liam had arrived at NCIS more than spoiling for a fight. That fire had quieted over the years and Kensi had never been able to figure out what from his past was so unresolved that he looked for any argument to try and solve in place of those he couldn't.

The drive to the Boat Shed was generally quiet as Liam navigated through the afternoon traffic with ease. Parking in the marina lot, Kensi led the way inside, her gaze immediately searching for and finding Cody inside. Concern tightening his jaw, he immediately pushed off from the table he'd been leaning against to cross the room quickly, putting a heavy arm around her shoulders.

Releasing the breath she'd been holding, Kensi leaned into him, closing her eyes for the weakness of a moment. She hadn't realized until that moment how much she'd needed Cody's arm around her. Her brother was as big and tough as any former Special Forces Marine could be expected to be. But he was also as sensitive and tuned into her moods as any brother and partner should be.

Cody's broad hand cupped her shoulder tightly and he ducked his head to look her in the eye. "How's Deeks doing?"

"Kensi! Do you need me to go to the hospital? Where is Kyle? Do you need anything?"

Kensi allowed a smile as she looked from Cody to his wife, Rachel Keppinger, who peered at them through the video feed on one of the monitors on the wall. Rachel was back at Ops where she worked as Hetty's assistant, and she was flanked by the rest of their technical team. Eric and Nell stood next to Rachel wearing matching expressions of concern.

"He's okay. Just resting from surgery. Hailey went and picked up Kyle and they're with him now," Kensi said. Rachel looked relieved and disappointed in the same instant, and Kensi decided to give her what her friend needed. Something to do to help her family. "But I'm sure they could do with a visit from their aunt and cousin."

Rachel's green eyes brightened and she nodded eagerly. "I'll pick up Chase from school and we'll head over there later." Her smile melting from worry to relief, Kensi could almost feel the comfort from Rachel as warmly as a hug. "I'm so glad he's alright, Kensi."

"We're all quite relieved that Mr. Deeks is safe and well. But we do still have an ongoing case," Hetty announced, her voice cutting in from behind Eric, Nell, and Rachel. They parted to let Hetty through so she could face Kensi, Cody, and Liam over the screen. Kensi glanced at the neighboring screen, which had a video feed to the interrogation room. She saw Liam's partner, David Westin, in the room with Ensign Lisa Hale before she shifted her eyes back to Hetty.

Beyond the mild rebuke of Hetty's words to stay on task, Kensi saw the hint of relief on Hetty's face. And Kensi knew she could only see it thanks to the many years she'd worked with Hetty. There wasn't anyone with a better poker face. And Kensi knew how fond of Deeks Hetty was. Even still, national security and espionage still managed to trump emotional concerns.

It would have been easy to be distracted by the mix of emotions and fallout of events surrounding Deeks being shot. The least of which was the surprise of finding out about Hailey and Liam, the worst of which was having the foundation of everything she'd held as reliable as gravity shaken to the core. Kensi couldn't let herself start thinking about how close Deeks had come to being killed that day. It was the one outcome she hadn't allowed herself to prepare for since they'd been married.

Lifting her chin, Kensi nodded to their Operations Manager. "Hetty's right. We have a case. Where are we at?"

Cody shifted gears easily, gesturing to the screen that showed David talking to Lisa Hale. "We connected Andrew Steele to Ensign Hale since he gave her up pretty voluntarily. David has been trying to get what he can from her with the idea that you could go in as Hale to meet the buyer of the satellite data."

"Couldn't we just put a wire on Ensign Hale and send her in?" Eric asked. Kensi gave him a smile over the screen, appreciating his concern for her safety.

Cody shrugged. "We could, but after spending just a couple minutes with this woman, I don't think we can trust her to follow through. We got her to spill on her plan, but she technically hasn't done anything illegal yet. She made contact with Steele since he had the data, and she's contacted the buyer since she has access to the encryption programs to unlock the data."

"If she's contacted the buyer, don't they know who she is, what she looks like? Aren't they going to know Kensi isn't her?" Nell asked worriedly. Cody shifted uneasily, a clear sign that he wasn't completely comfortable with the plan.

"She says she's never met the buyer in person and has only exchanged coded emails and text messages."

Kensi raised a disbelieving eyebrow at Cody. "And we think we can trust that? We can't trust her to go undercover for us but we can trust that she isn't lying about having met the buyer before?"

"She strikes me as the self perseveration-minded type. I don't think she would have knowingly put herself at risk," Cody replied. "We don't have a better plan right now. The only way to figure out who wants to buy the satellite data and why is to meet them."

"Ms. Deeks," Hetty interrupted, catching Kensi's attention on the screen. "It is a calculated risk to send you in. If the buyer does indeed have the ensign's name then he or she knows what she looks like. But if not, you should be able to fool them long enough to get the information we need."

Considering the plan, Kensi crossed her arms before pointing at the screen of the interrogation room. "I want to talk with her."

Without waiting for a response, Kensi crossed to the door to the room, unlocking it, entering, and closing it firmly behind her. Always the gentleman, David stood as she entered and Kensi gestured for him to sit. Across from David sat the woman who shared a slight resemblance to Kensi. Except for the anger seething in her eyes, and the way she slouched in her chair. As her attention shifted to Kensi, Ensign Hale straightened for one cautious second before she carefully adopted the bored expression that tried to show how unfazed she was by the situation she'd found herself in.

"Ensign, my name is Special Agent Kensi Deeks. I understand you're willing to help us with an undercover operation to entrap the buyer you had on the line for the satellite data and encryption key you were planning to steal from the Navy?" Kensi asked evenly. She stood at the head of the table, taking full advantage of her position to tower over Hale.

"I'm not going in for you guys. Lock me up, I don't care. But these guys are members of some Russian crime family. I don't want them to think I double crossed them," Hale said hurriedly. Kensi decided not to point out that if she went in under the Ensign's name, it wasn't likely they would know it wasn't her.

"So you gave up Andrew Steele's identity but kept your own a secret?" Kensi asked. Hale smirked in response, clearly proud of herself.

"It worked perfectly. His name and credentials were enough to sell that I had what they wanted and I kept myself out of it."

Kensi shook her head in disgust at the ease Ensign Hale seemed to feel about setting up someone else. But it did lend credibility to Cody's feeling that Ensign Hale wasn't about to put herself at unnecessary risk ahead of the actual meet with the buyer.

"What Russian crime family?" David asked, focusing back on the details of the case.

Hale shrugged. "No clue. The guy I communicated with told me his name was John Smith and he represented the family. They're not big on details."

"Why were you so willing to sell government secrets, Lisa? What made you decide to turn your back on your loyalty to your country?" Kensi asked quietly. Hale's eyes flashed coldly and she sat up straight, slamming her palm against the table.

"Loyalty? After being passed up for promotion for years and being left to man some data center in a dead end job, I don't owe the Navy any loyalty," Lisa spat out, giving Kensi a hint of the unreliability Cody had alluded to. Reasoning with her would clearly be pointless.

"If I'm posing as you, what else did you tell them that we need to know? What exactly is in the satellite data they're trying to buy?" Kensi asked.

"I was given a date, time and location for the meet, tomorrow afternoon. John Smith is expecting Andrew Steele to be with me at the exchange because he wants proof I have what I said I have."

"Which is what, exactly?" Kensi asked again, trying not to grit her teeth in frustration.

"The data I asked Andrew to get is the location and homing information on all the Department of Defense satellites flying over the southwestern United States. In theory the encryption key I was going to download from the Navy Data Center might allow someone to locate one of those satellites and hack into it, see what it sees," Hale said carelessly. David stood, leaning over the table and towards the ensign, intimidating her without a word. She shifted in her seat, some of her earlier confidence wavering.

"Hack into a satellite and do what?" David asked quietly.

"I don't know, alright? I don't know what they wanted it for. I didn't ask because I didn't want to know," Hale blurted out. Kensi traded glances with David, who merely raised an eyebrow in disbelief. The ensign's lack of planning meant they still had a lot of answers to get. And Kensi didn't think there was more Hale could tell them.

Wordlessly, Kensi moved towards the door, sensing as David followed her, securing the door behind them. They didn't know everything, but they knew enough. And Kensi had the confidence in her team to get the rest.

They very rarely had complete conviction that their plans would work. It was usually about gradients, not guarantee of success. Returning to the team collected around and on the monitor, Kensi kept her voice confident even as there were still uncertainties with the undercover operation that made it less than a sure thing.

"Let's get to work."

* * *

_To be continued_


	4. Chapter 4

**Note: **Thanks for reading and reviewing if you do. Without further delay...

* * *

Day was beginning to turn to night by the time Kensi arrived home. Parking in the driveway, Kensi paused before going inside, allowing her eyes to lift to the sunset coloring the sky behind the house. It was the kind of setting sun made for vacation advertisements and postcards. The sky shimmered like oil and water, the soft yellow bleeding to pink and purple and edged with blue. But no picture could possibly capture the feel of the breeze from the ocean, and the distant rumble of the waves crashing on the beach.

Kensi closed her eyes, letting the sounds crash into her and the wind sway her gently. Unbidden, she thought back to the day they'd brought Kyle home. Born in the winter, or what passed for winter in California, the sky had been stormy and gray with rain. Still tired from forty-two hours of labor, Kensi had leaned heavily on Deeks, letting the warmth of his hand on her waist and the steady strength of his arm practically lift her over the cobbled path to the front door.

Hailey had been given the daunting task of carrying newborn Kyle into the house. And Kensi had smiled, because while Hailey had been nervous about carrying her nephew, Kensi hadn't worried. She'd seen how Hailey looked at Kyle, with wonderful fear wrapped in concerned love. Kensi knew Kyle would be safe with Hailey, that she would never let anything happen to him. Just like when Deeks held his son, Hailey couldn't stop staring at Kyle when he was in her arms.

The bonds of true family were as wonderfully strange as the ones Kensi had formed with her team. She and Deeks had made the most difficult leap when they found each other, committed to each other, and forged a path forward together. Their family had grown and changed from them through fate and determination. They were bonds formed so quickly, as solid as steel and as reliable as the turning tide from the ocean they all loved.

The sounds of laughter in the present brought an easy smile to Kensi's face. She kept her eyes closed but she heard Kyle's giggles, followed by Hailey's shriek, and she could almost picture the scene unfolding. No doubt Kyle was playing a joke on Hailey and she was indulging him with the outraged reaction he hoped for. They were quite the pair, unlike any set of siblings Kensi had ever witnessed.

But then they weren't traditional siblings. Kensi knew that since Hailey had grown up in an emotionally and physically abusive household that it had taken her time to understand what a family could be. But once she had, she'd taken to her brother and Kensi, and then Kyle, with a grateful abandon that Kensi had to admire. Hailey didn't hold back when she decided to love. If anything her childhood had made her treasure the family she had even more.

And Kyle loved his "big sister" all the more for it. She indulged his practical jokes and he brought out her silliness. Their age difference somehow made them get along even better. There were occasionally fights, but far more often Kensi came across Kyle and Hailey slumped against each other on the couch, a bowl of popcorn between them, or racing each other for the beach, surf boards under their arms.

Kensi lifted her eyelids, the heaviness reminding her that it had been a very long and draining day. The glow through the curtains in the front room warmly invited her in and Kensi shook away the memories. As pleasant as they were, she was anxious to see Deeks and find out how he was recovering. Hailey had called her a few hours earlier to tell her that Deeks had been discharged. Kensi had initially been concerned at the quick release, but a call to Deeks' doctor told her that he was recovering well and just needed to rest at home.

Entering the house, Kensi put her bag down by the door, unlacing her boots before she padded towards the front of the house, feeling confident she knew where her husband was. Standing in the curved archway of the entrance to the family room, Kensi leaned her head against the wall, breathing a sigh of relief she hadn't realized she'd been holding.

Deeks was propped up in one of the huge, plush armchairs, his feet on an ottoman and his head tipped back against the cushion. His arm on his injured side was fixed against his chest in a sling and he was dead asleep. There was a baseball game on the TV screen, but the volume was only low background noise. Kensi padded over to him silently, taking a corner of the ottoman and leaning over him to brush the hair tangled over his forehead to the side. His color was returning and he breathed easily, the barest hint of a snore rumbling his chest and making her grin.

She longed to see him open his eyes, to watch his blue eyes turn from confused sleep to recognition and love. But Kensi resisted waking him, reasoning he needed his rest more than she selfishly needed the comfort his smile would give her. Careful not to jar him, Kensi stood and left the room, heading towards the kitchen and the continuing sound of giggles and laughter.

Keeping to the doorway, Kensi grinned at the scene in front of her. Hailey was putting the finishing touches on lasagna, laying the last layer of noodles, meat sauce, and mozzarella, while Kyle dancing around behind her, occasionally poking her with the breadstick in his hand. Hailey would pause in her cooking, whirling around to try and catch him, and Kyle would dart away, taking an innocent bite from the breadstick until Hailey gave up and turned back to the pan. Then Kyle snuck in again, while Hailey watched out of the corner of her eye as he edged in closer.

Just as Kyle tried to prod her again, Hailey spun around, catching Kyle up in her arms as he giggled, the sound echoing against the tile walls and stone countertops.

"I got you!"

"I didn't do anything! Put me down!"

Hailey snorted in disbelief, catching his hand in hers and taking a big bite from his breadstick. Kyle looked at her sadly, his blue eyes turning pitifully forlorn, and Kensi had to cover her mouth with her hand to suppress her laughter. He'd learned the art of gaining sympathy from his father, able to turn it on with the flip of a switch, and using those deep blue eyes to their fullest advantage.

As was typical, Hailey fell for it, softening easily and putting Kyle down, also handing him another breadstick, which he grinned and took. Turning around, Kyle caught sight of Kensi and his face lit with a wide smile before he circled the kitchen island and practically collided with her. Kensi hugged him close, tousling his hair with her hands before leaning back and giving him a kiss on the forehead.

"Have you been good for Hailey today?" Kyle's head bobbed quickly and Kensi fixed him with narrowed eyes. "Are you sure?"

"I have, really!"

Hailey chuckled from across the kitchen. "He's been pretty good. Rachel and Chase came and helped us get Marty inside a little while ago. And Kyle's been good about just bugging me and leaving his dad to rest."

"Well, as long as you've just been bugging Hailey, that's good," Kensi joked. "But why don't you go set the table for dinner?"

Kyle took off with all the speed and energy of an eight-year-old, and after opening the refrigerator and grabbing a beer, Kensi sidled up to the counter behind Hailey, twisting the cap off before taking a long drag from the bottle. She watched Hailey for a moment before she glanced across the kitchen, noting spices still sitting out, and the empty cans and leftover ingredients.

"Is that Diane's recipe?" Kensi asked, knowing that Cody's mother and the woman she thought of as her own mother had the patent on home cooked comfort foods. Hailey nodded as she lifted the pan, sliding it into the oven before setting the timer for thirty minutes.

"It's Kyle's favorite. And he's fine now, but I think it's been a hard day for him. I thought he would like it. And Marty's always been a fan," Hailey said, turning towards the sink to begin cleaning the dishes.

Kensi watched her for a few minutes, recognizing the effort to try and keep busy, to try and keep hands occupied to distract the mind. Walking over to Hailey, she put her hand on her shoulder, keeping the pressure light and steady even as she felt Hailey tense. And then Hailey exhaled, the sound weighted with pent up worry, and she turned towards Kensi, burrowing against her and holding tight. Kensi hugged Hailey back and rubbed her back in the way she hadn't done for years, not since Hailey was much younger and much more fragile.

"I don't think I've ever been that scared," Hailey murmured, her voice shaking. "I never thought this could happen. I know this kind of stuff happened before, when you guys were partners. And like it isn't bad enough that I worry about this happening to you…"

Hailey trailed off and Kensi could only silently nod, trying to work past the lump in her throat. Hailey's reaction and the reality of their dangerous jobs were the very reasons they'd made the decision nine years ago that Deeks would quit NCIS. And seeing the fear in Hailey's eyes, while knowing that Kyle was in the next room still a bit unaware of how close Deeks had brushed up to danger that day, reminded Kensi that so much hadn't changed. Except for the fact that it was never supposed to have been Deeks in danger.

"I know. But I'm okay and he's okay," Kensi replied quietly, trying to provide comfort she wasn't even completely confident in as Hailey finally pulled back, swiping at her eyes and taking a deep breath to steady herself.

"But what about next time?" Hailey asked quietly.

"I don't really plan on getting shot again," Deeks said from the doorway to the kitchen, his voice dry and amused. Kensi watched as Hailey straightened, tucking away any hint of the obvious fear she'd been thinking about. Kensi felt a worried twinge, recognizing that Hailey was putting on a braver façade for her brother than showing what she was really feeling. Coupled with the revelation about her involvement with Liam, it made Kensi realize Hailey was keeping more of herself hidden from Deeks than she'd thought. And deep down Kensi knew that it would bother Deeks that Hailey felt as though she had to hide parts of herself.

But Kensi didn't have long to dwell on the thought as Hailey went over and hugged Deeks, and then Kyle came in from the dining room, quickly going to his dad for his own hug, wrapping his arms around Deeks' middle.

"Nobody _plans _on getting shot," Hailey said, rolling her eyes with a smile. Brown eyes turning concerned, she put an arm over his shoulders, her height not quite matching Deeks', but making it less of an effort to reach than it would have been a few years ago.

"You're not going to get shot again, are you?" Kyle asked worriedly, tugging his bottom lip between his teeth. Deeks laid a hand against the back of Kyle's neck, squeezing warmly.

"No plans to, no. I'm going to be fine, don't worry, buddy," Deeks replied, the assurance in his voice and the gentle hands comforting Kyle clearly calming him. Kensi watched her son with an edge of envy. She wished she could be so easily convinced. But it was in her head now, that awful possibility that even as hard as they'd tried to keep one of them safe and out of the way, that something terrible could still happen. And that it could happen with shattering speed, changing the entire world that they'd built, that scared Kensi more than anything else.

The serious subject was deftly changed with the finishing preparations for dinner. And as they sat and ate, Kensi saw how carefully Deeks worked to keep the focus away from what had happened to him that day. She saw and even as she admired him for it, it also irritated her. She knew he was downplaying the seriousness so that Kyle wouldn't be as scared. But it was gnawing at the back of her mind, that it was serious and it had been dangerous. And there hadn't been anything she could have done to change what happened.

Later, after the dishes were cleared and after Kensi had helped Kyle with his homework, she ducked under Deeks' arm, half carrying him upstairs to bed. The strain of the day showed in his hooded eyes and the heavy exhale as he settled on the mattress, grimacing at the pain caused by jarring his arm. Wordlessly, Kensi handed him a glass of water and the monstrously large pills that would chase away his discomfort.

Needing to do something with her hands, Kensi gently tucked the bed sheets around Deeks, seeing the knowing smile tipping up of his lips. When Deeks caught her wrist in his hand, tugging her to sit down next to him on the bed she went quietly, wishing she could hide away her worry as easily as Hailey did. But she saw the instant Deeks recognized it on her face, saw his smile turn to a serious glance, his eyes roving over her face.

"I'm okay, Kensi. Really. You know this was a total fluke," Deeks emphasized.

Kensi huffed, the explanation feeling unsatisfactory in every way. "It doesn't really matter that it was a total fluke. It shouldn't have happened."

Her stubborn tone brought warmth back to Deeks' face and he ran a hand up and down her arm before turning her palm against his and lacing her fingers with his.

"Bad stuff happens sometimes. Even when you prepare and plan. Even when you have a crazy, control freak wife who convinced herself it never would," Deeks said pointedly. His eyes turned serious, the amusement fading to transparent, somber grey. "Don't let it shake you, Kens. Everything is okay and we're all safe."

Even as she wanted to object, that her husband with a bullet hole in his arm was most certainly not okay, she recognized that once again Deeks was proving how they worked as partners and lovers. It was how they worked best. When one worried, the other assured. When one was angry, the other calmed. It was their balance, their ability to complement each other and give what they each needed.

So Kensi allowed Deeks' calming strength, his confidence, to bring her relief. She allowed it to bring her heart rate to something closer to normal, just as she reveled in the feeling of his hand in hers, the touch so familiar and comforting, alive and welcome.

"How's your case going?" Deeks asked quietly. Kensi considered carefully, knowing that while Deeks technically didn't have clearance anymore, there was no harm in telling him. She filled him in on the basics of the case, finishing off with the plan for her to go undercover as Ensign Lisa Hale the next day.

Deeks listened silently, his face turning troubled as he realized that Lieutenant Andrew Steele, the man who had shot him that afternoon, was going in with Kensi to meet with a Russian crime family.

"Can't Cody go in with you? Or Liam?" Deeks asked, his clear preference showing for men he trusted to watch Kensi's back.

"They're not on the guest list," Kensi replied. "Steele has to be there. Whoever Ensign Hale was planning to meet is expecting him and knows who he is."

Pressing his lips together, Deeks was still thoughtful. "What Russian crime family is it?"

Kensi shrugged. "We don't know. Ensign Hale had a time and place for the meet tomorrow and a contact who calls himself John Smith."

"So not exactly willing to reveal himself."

"No, but Eric and Nell are going to wire me up with a button camera and the guys will hear me through the camera microphone the whole time. We'll be able to start face recognition right away, and hopefully get to the bottom of what information these guys want to be spying with DoD satellites for," Kensi replied.

"Make sure Cody—"

"Marty, he knows," Kensi said fondly, reaching up to gently stroke a hand down Deeks' face, halting the inevitable caution he would have given that Cody watch out for her.

"Okay, fine. You can't blame me for worrying," Deeks grumbled, settling back against the pillows, a yawn escaping.

Wisely, Kensi kept silent. Deeks might caution her about not worrying about him, but he never quite saw how the situation was turned on its head when he worried about her. It was contradictory and illogical, but also perfectly understandable.

With Deeks minutes away from sleep, she leaned over and murmured her goodnight against his lips before she stood up from the bed. Turning off the lights in the bedroom, Kensi stood in the doorway and watched her husband sleep, trying to keep a hold on the calm reassurance he'd given her. But she couldn't ignore the nagging fear at the back of her mind as much as she wished she could.

It felt unsettling and terrifying in a way she hadn't had to think about in nearly a decade. And that made Kensi wonder if all along she'd been deluding herself into believing and trusting in something that was merely a dream. A dream she was suddenly waking up from to find reality left her feeling shakily and decidedly out of control.

* * *

The sun was high in the sky by the time Deeks descended downstairs and shuffled towards the kitchen. Finding the coffee pot still warm, he poured himself a mug and wandered towards the backyard, his gaze falling on Hailey, her sketchbook open in her lap but her eyes fixed on the sky, her attention clearly wandering away from her drawing.

Settling carefully in the chaise lounge next to her, Deeks carefully adjusted the sling around his arm, taking some assurance in the soreness in his arm already lessening. Kensi had woken him up early that morning to give him his pain medication before she'd headed off to work and judging by the brightness of the sun, he'd slept for several hours after she'd left.

Hailey's attention shifted to him as she closed her sketchbook, wary eyes watching him for any sign of pain. It was for that reason that he kept any hint of his discomfort hidden. In a way it felt a little dishonest, especially when he'd long prided himself on having a close relationship with his sister. But despite that wish to be honest, Deeks knew that there were complexities to Hailey, to who she needed him to be for her.

After bringing Hailey home with them, it hadn't taken her long to bond with Deeks. A childhood lacking in love and affection left her yearning for connection to people who wanted her, to people that would love her. It took her awhile to trust, but when she did she trusted completely. And Hailey loved with a kind of ignorant abandon that worried Deeks sometimes. It was love that was wholehearted and trusting, but it left her vulnerable to hurt. And because it left her vulnerable, it made Deeks even more vigilant about protecting Hailey. Which included making sure she had a family that was safe and wouldn't disappear on her.

It didn't settle well with him that all his and Kensi's effort to build that safe world for Hailey, and for Kyle, could have been changed the day before. As much as he's tried to reassure Kensi, he'd seen her fears and he'd recognized them. Because they were the same things that scared him, as much as he didn't want them to.

"How are you feeling?" Hailey asked, breaking into his thoughts.

Deeks shrugged, wishing a second later he hadn't moved his shoulder. "Not too bad. Did Kyle make it off to school?"

"I took him, and I fielded all his arguments for why he should get to stay home and help take care of you," Hailey said, fond exasperation coloring her voice. Deeks nodded, very familiar with the way his son could persuade and convince. Kensi said Kyle got that trait, as well as his ability to charm, from his father. And Deeks was proud enough not to disagree.

"What are you going to do with your time in Los Angeles?" Deeks asked. Hailey raised an eyebrow.

"Besides take care of you?" Hailey replied.

Deeks laughed, shaking his head. "I'm not totally helpless, you know. I assume you have things with school to tie up before graduation. When do you have to head back to Stanford?"

Hailey looked away from him, her fingers deftly turning and rolling the pencil in her hand.

"I'm pretty much done. I turned in my projects early and I don't even have any finals to do. I wanted to be here anyway."

Deeks narrowed his eyes at her careful wording. Hailey had planned the trip to Los Angeles long before his shooting. And he had the sudden suspicion there was something else in her desire to be home.

"Why do I think there's more to it than that? We always love having you here. But something tells me we aren't the only thing that brought you home," Deeks said carefully, feeling the thread of something and not able to resist the urge to tug on it.

"No, not the only reason," Hailey said softly. She fell silent and Deeks followed her lead, remembering back to when he'd first found his sister. Shy, closed off, and easier to scare off than a rabbit. She'd always responded better when given the time to open up, to find her own way to vocalize what was bothering her.

Hailey sighed, and then lifted her pleading eyes to his. "Don't get mad, okay?"

Deeks tried to ignore the way her request and nervous tone left him immediately on the alert. He couldn't quite ignore his reactions. Even ten years as a lawyer hadn't diluted his instincts. But he schooled his features, clearing his voice and making the attempt to be calm as he nodded.

"I should have told you before," Hailey said quietly, almost an admonishment to herself. Deeks' heart ached at how she seemed to blame herself. He reached over, taking her hand in his and squeezing gently.

"Hey, it's okay. Tell me now. I'm not going to get mad at you," Deeks replied. Hailey looked at him hopefully, finally blurting the words out.

"Liam and I are dating."

Deeks froze, blinking slowly and struggling to process the words. He'd been expecting that Hailey was planning to move across the country, or take some low paying art internship, or even that she was going to take a year and backpack across Europe. But he hadn't expected to hear his little sister was dating a man he considered a friend.

"Liam? Liam Murphy?" At Hailey's quick nod, he rushed on. "But he's too old for you!"

"Marty, five years older than me isn't exactly 'too old.' You and Kensi are three years apart and you're older than her," Hailey argued mildly.

"Five years is two more years! Things happen in two years."

"Things? Like what things?" Hailey asked, amusement raising her lips to a smile. Deeks sensed the irrationality of what he was saying, but ploughed on anyway.

"You're too young to know about that kind of stuff," Deeks said stubbornly, even as he realized Hailey was a young woman that probably knew more than he wished she did. Not wanting to explore that path, he took another one. "Hailey, what do you even know about him? His work is dangerous, it's not good for you to be involved with someone like that."

Hailey swept a hand between them. "I _am _involved with someone like that. If not for his line of work you and I never would have met! You know Liam, you like him. You know he's a good person. And I know plenty about him, enough to know that I love him."

Her declaration hit home, stalling his next argument, already forgotten. Thinking of his sister in love with someone, in love with someone from the very kind of job that put his life on the line every day, it made his stomach turn over anxiously. He and Kensi had tried to minimize the possibility of what Hailey might lose because of their association with NCIS. But the thought of the risks she was at now, caring for Liam, it sobered him. And set his resolve.

"How long has this been going on?" he asked quietly. The point Hailey had made, that he knew Liam as a friend, was resolutely ignored.

"Six months."

Deeks gritted his teeth, his mind made up. He stood from the chair, pushing away the ache in his arm and heading back inside the house. Hailey quickly followed, her face tense and anxious.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going to go have a talk with your secret boyfriend. Man to man."

"You promised you wouldn't get mad!"

"At you. I promised I wouldn't get mad at you. I didn't make any promises about a lying, sneaking kid from New York who can't surf."

"The lying and sneaking is my fault! Liam didn't want to keep it a secret, I asked him to," Hailey replied, her voice edging with desperation. Deeks inhaled quickly, the confession hitting like a punch to his chest. He looked at Hailey sadly, realizing that as close as they were, there were still secrets between them. He hadn't thought there were, but he'd been wrong.

"And we'll talk about that later. But first I want to find out why Liam thought it was okay to involve you in his life. I want to know why he thinks it's okay to put you at risk like that," Deeks said evenly.

"They're on a mission right now, you can't just go and barge in," Hailey replied, urgently trying to keep him from leaving.

"I'm not going to barge in. But I am going to Ops and I'll wait until they get back." Sensing her next question, he held up a hand. "And no, you can't take me. You don't know where Ops is and I can't let you come. Hetty would have my hide."

Hailey opened her mouth to argue, but Deeks stopped her. "I just need to think about this, alright? You lied to me." Deeks paused, watching as Hailey's eyes filled with tears at his quiet accusation. "I don't know what it means, but I didn't think it was something you would ever do. Not to me."

"I'm sorry," Hailey whispered, her voice quiet and broken.

"I know," Deeks said gently, able to set aside his churning emotions enough to see that Hailey needed reassurance from him. He lifted her chin with his finger, seeing the fear in her eyes. "I'm not leaving for good or anything, okay? I'm just going for a little while. I'll be back and we'll talk about it."

Deeks had to leave then, knowing if he stayed he would give in and accept Hailey's apologies without question. And he needed a clear head, needed to understand what this meant about the relationship he thought he had with his sister. And there was another part of him, a building anger, that had to confront Liam. Because despite the lie, Deeks could not accept that a man he'd thought of as a friend was putting his sister at risk of the heartbreak his loss would cost her.

He took the long way to Ops, using the time while driving to pull his emotions back in. It was early afternoon by the time he parked and entered the old, seemingly condemned building. It had been years since he'd stopped by, but he still recognized a few faces. One in particular immediately approached, concern in her green eyes and the set pale line of her lips.

"Marty? What are you doing here?" Rachel Keppinger asked, her hug comforting and gentle as she carefully looped her arms around his shoulders.

"I need to talk to Liam. Are they still out?" Deeks asked. Rachel nodded, gesturing towards the upstairs Operations room.

"They left a couple hours ago to get in place for the meet. What's going on?" Rachel pressed.

"It's kind of a long story. Can I go up?" Deeks asked. Rachel's eyebrows flew up and she gave him a worried smile.

"It's Hetty's permission you should worry about, not mine. She's up there right now. As much as she adores you, you know she's liable to take your head off for interrupting."

Deeks smiled a little, feeling like his history with Hetty would give him a little leeway even as he felt the barest trickle of fear at the thought of her unblinking stare stopping him in his tracks. But at that moment, being back in Ops, he suddenly felt the pull to be in the Operations room, to hear and see what was happening on Kensi's undercover. There was the underlying issue of Hailey and Liam, but being close to the action again was tantalizing. He'd forgotten how it felt.

"Come on, take me up?" Deeks requested, giving Rachel his most charming smile. She shook her head with exasperation, but led the way towards the stairs and the second floor.

"Fine, but I'm blaming you when Hetty blasts me later."

Pausing at the doorway to Operations, Deeks leaned over and gave Rachel a kiss on the cheek even as she rolled her eyes at him and entered the code required to enter the room while a mission was ongoing. Deeks entered first, the subdued lighting, dark glass, and screens all around welcome and comforting. It was easy to remember the countless assignments, briefings, and plans he'd been involved in that had taken place in that room. Even with the unemotional artificial lighting and cold, factual digital information rolling across the screens, the memories were pleasant. And until that moment he hadn't realized how much he missed it.

"Mr. Deeks, I assume you will explain your presence."

Hetty's dry voice, a touch annoyed and a hint curious, broke Deeks from his memories. Even with her head barely reaching halfway up his chest, Deeks felt suddenly nervous and uncertain. And as though it might have been a better idea to wait downstairs.

"It's kind of a long story—"

"One I await hearing with bated breath. However, we are in the middle of a mission—"

Eric's voice interrupted, calling Hetty back to the screens. Deeks followed, with Rachel right behind him. His eyes tracked over the screens, over the aerial map of the Long Beach Marina with five pulsing red dots showing that Kensi and Andrew Steele were on a yacht docked in one of the slips, with Cody on another boat nearby, and Liam and David Westin in the nearby parking lot as backup.

Momentarily forgotten by Hetty, Deeks stood silently next to Rachel, his eyes moving to the video footage on the next screen over. He realized it was Kensi's button camera, showing them everything she was seeing. Kensi was facing a man, his image slightly obscured as she moved.

"_Do we have facial recognition on John Smith?"_

Cody's voice filled Ops and Deeks realized the man Kensi was talking to must be the representative Ensign Lisa Hale had planned to meet to turn over the satellite data.

"Just now getting a clear image. Starting facial recognition now," Nell reported.

And then Kensi's voice filtered in over the speakers. Her voice was casual, the easy small talk seemingly mundane. _"I grew up in Michigan. The summers in California are much more pleasant. Less humidity."_

At Rachel's quick gasp Deeks turned his head to look at her, immediately on alert when he saw the muscles tense in her neck and her fingers tighten on her elbow where she'd crossed her arms over her chest. Rachel's eyes flew to him and Deeks looked at her curiously.

"What is it?" he murmured. Rachel leaned over to whisper in his ear.

"'Michigan' is one of Kensi's warning words. It means something is wrong."

Deeks immediately turned back to the screen, drinking in the image from Kensi's camera, trying to look for the threat she was trying to clue them in about. The conversation over Kensi's camera continued on nonchalantly, with no hint of immediate danger. It didn't even sound as if the negotiations for the satellite data had begun.

"Then why aren't they going in?" Deeks whispered hurriedly in response.

"Kensi didn't use the word indicating she needs a rescue. Just the one that would clue the guys in that they need to be on alert," Rachel replied, her eyes shifting from the screen to Hetty.

Concerned, Deeks took a closer step towards the screens, leaning over Nell's shoulder. "Can't Cody talk to her, try and figure out the warning?"

Nell looked up at Deeks, understanding at his worry softening her eyes. "Kensi isn't wearing a comm in her ear. We thought it might be too risky for detection. The button camera shows us what she's seeing, but we can't talk with her."

Deeks narrowed his eyes at the man, not seeing anything immediately that clued him into why the man was a threat. He was probably about Kensi's age, tall, broad shouldered, with dark hair cut close to his head and a sharp jaw. His gray suit was tailored and did a decent job of hiding the gun in the holster under his arm. Even still, the weapon was to be expected considering the man worked for a Russian crime family. Deeks pointed at the man on the screen, his instincts telling him Kensi was trying to tell them something about him, since she'd used the warning word in conversation with him.

"Hetty, can I talk to Cody?" Deeks asked his former boss, whole leveled him with a silent, considering gaze. Refusing to back down, Deeks stared right back. "Please, Hetty. I think I can help."

Hetty finally nodded and Deeks took an extra comm, which would make it easier to talk directly with Cody.

"Cody, it's Deeks. Who is that guy? Do you recognize him?" Deeks asked. All business, Cody took Deeks' unexpected presence in Ops in stride, not questioning.

"_Pulling up a close up of the image from Kensi's camera now."_

The seconds that passed were too long for Deeks' comfort. And he knew that if Kensi had used a warning word that whatever was happening had to be important.

"_Son of a…I don't believe it."_

The low curse that followed only set Deeks further on edge. And Cody's next words only brought questions, and no comfort.

"_That's Jack. Kensi's fiancé Jack Salvay."_

* * *

_To be continued_


	5. Chapter 5

**Note: **Yes, cliffhangers are evil. But also fun! Thanks to my awesome beta, **MioneAlterEgo**! Thanks to everyone for reading, alerting, favoriting and reviewing if you do.

* * *

Jack.

The name hit him roughly, dulling his senses. The man Kensi had loved and had wanted to marry. The man she'd tried to help recover from PTSD after he'd served in combat. And ultimately, the man who had hurt her in ways that had left scars for years. That man was somehow back in her life.

Scrambling to gather his thoughts, Deeks tuned back into the conversations going on around him in Ops. With Cody's revelation, Eric was accessing the Marine Corps personnel records while Nell was trying to pull up federal and state records associated with the name Jack Salvay. Activating his comm to Cody, Deeks spoke quietly, the intensity hardening his voice.

"Cody, are you sure that's Kensi's former fiancé?" Deeks asked, refusing to think of the man as anything but a part of Kensi's past.

"_I'm pretty sure. I never met him, they were together when I was overseas and things between them went bad during the time when I was injured and recovering. But I've seen pictures. It sure looks like him."_

Clenching his jaw, Deeks nodded to himself. "Okay, fine. But why hasn't he given her away? He must know she's not really Ensign Lisa Hale."

"_No clue, man. He's working for a Russian crime family, so he's not exactly morally upstanding. But he also doesn't know she works for NCIS since she was still in college when he left. Maybe he's giving her the benefit of the doubt."_

Cody's skeptical tone didn't ease the tightening in Deeks' chest. Realizing Eric and Nell's voices were rising in urgency, he walked over, glancing up at the screens in front of them, covered in a series of records.

"Explain what you mean, Mr. Beale. How does Jack Salvay not exist?" Hetty asked. Eric gestured to the screen with the link to the Marine Corps database, where a warning message read, "RECORD NOT FOUND."

"He's not in the Marines' personnel records. Not even a hint of his name. It's like he never served."

"That's not possible," Deeks murmured, while Hetty looked troubled.

"That's not all," Nell cut in, pulling up a series of records on her screen. "Facial recognition has identified him as Nicholas Donovan. He has a criminal record including theft and assault, and he was arrested in New York five years ago on suspicion of murder. The police didn't have enough evidence and had to release him. But he's been in Los Angeles since about four years ago, working for a man named Peter Kovalev, who owns a chain of Russian grocery stores in L.A., Sacramento, and around New York."

"_Kovalev?"_

Liam's voice over the speakers was surprised and insistent.

"Yes, Mr. Murphy. Have you heard of Peter Kovalev?" Hetty asked.

"_Just by name from my time with the NYPD. The Kovalev family started out with the grocery stores but they branched out to crime. Gambling, a little gun smuggling, protection, that sort of thing. They were still small time when I left NYPD five years ago."_

"If John Smith, aka Nicholas Donovan, is working for Peter Kovalev and trading for military satellite technology in a yacht worth several million dollars it looks like the Kovalev family has graduated up from small time," Nell observed.

"So it seems," Hetty mused. "What do Nicholas Donovan's records say about his employment to Peter Kovalev?"

"Not much," Eric replied, scrolling through the screens. "He has reported less than thirty thousand in income the last five years. His job is listed as 'administrative.' Clearly that's a smokescreen. But why is Jack Salvay missing from the Marine Corps records? And why is he coming up as Nicholas Donovan everywhere else?"

It hit Deeks like the punishing cold ocean waves in winter. But Hetty spoke the words in his head before he could voice them.

"Jack Salvay is undercover as Nicholas Donovan. Dig deeper and further back and I suspect you will find Donovan's history and paper trail becomes flimsier and harder to follow."

"But who is he undercover with?" Nell asked. Hetty straightened, gesturing to Rachel to follow her.

"That is what Ms. Keppinger and I will attempt to find out." Hetty turned to Deeks, raising an eyebrow. "Mr. Deeks, since you are here, would you mind making yourself useful and keeping an eye on things for a few minutes?"

Deeks nodded, not bothering to add that with Kensi undercover and facing her former fiancé, there was no way he was planning to leave Ops until she was back at Ops and within reaching distance.

After Hetty and Rachel left, the doors sliding shut behind them, Deeks turned back to the screens, listening back in as Cody, Liam, and David seemed to be debating about how to proceed now that Kensi had clued them into the potential danger of the mission.

"_She wouldn't have given us the warning if she didn't want us to know."_

David's voice was measured and calm. Cody's response was less so.

"_I don't like the idea of her in there with a potential criminal who knows who she really is, not to mention the unstable guy who shot Deeks yesterday, without anyone there to intervene."_

Deeks listened to the stubborn note in Cody's voice, halfway agreeing with his friend, but also knowing Cody could be overly protective of Kensi. It was one of the reasons he didn't worry as much with Cody watching Kensi's back. He knew Cody would put himself in danger before he let Kensi get hurt.

"_I think we listen to Kensi. If she wanted us to storm in then she would have used a different word. She's given us a clue, but she's saying she has it under control. I trust her judgment."_

With Liam's statement, confident in his team leader's abilities, Deeks found his earlier anger towards Liam fading a little. It was hard to be irritated at someone who had such faith in Kensi. It had been easy to emotionally react as an older brother to the revelation that Liam had been secretly dating Hailey. But it was also just as simple to appreciate that Liam knew Kensi and trusted her instincts. He also trusted that she was capable and could handle herself. And Deeks couldn't ask for a better team member for Kensi.

Reluctantly, Cody finally agreed to Liam's suggestion. And the team went silent on the comms, listening back in on the conversation going on inside the yacht where Kensi was still undercover as Ensign Lisa Hale, with Lieutenant Andrew Steele along as her proof of who she was and what she was trying to sell.

Deeks watched from his vantage point standing behind Eric and Nell, forcing himself to relax his shoulder muscles as the dull pang in his injured arm reminded him that tensing up would only bring continued pain. And he kept his eyes on the view from Kensi's button camera, wishing that in addition to seeing what she was seeing that he could hear her thoughts.

* * *

On the outside, Kensi had her undercover persona locked. She'd perfected Ensign Lisa Hale's particular brand of entitled superiority and that little flash of irrational anger that would make it easier to understand why a young woman who had made oaths of loyalty would be willing to sell important national secrets. Kensi kept Lisa Hale in place, not letting a tense muscle or the tilt of her head give her away.

But inside, Kensi was trying very carefully to control the chaos that was hammering her heart, her blood rushing to the point where she had to concentrate very hard to keep her senses open and watchful. As watchful as she needed to be while impersonating a Navy officer selling government secrets to a Russian crime family.

On the inside, there was no way Kensi could be as emotionally calm and detached as the situation called for. Not when her fiancé, missing from her life for twenty years, was standing in front of her. She'd seen the instant Jack had recognized her, his dark eyes widening just slightly but his congenial smile staying fixed in place. He hadn't given her away when she'd introduced herself under her alias and Kensi had smoothly followed his lead, pretending she didn't know him either. In truth, she hadn't. Nicholas Donovan wasn't his real name, but it was one he'd adopted for some purpose. The questions spun wildly through her head but she was reminded that there were watchful eyes everywhere.

Kensi and Andrew Steele had arrived at the Long Beach Marina fifteen minutes earlier, approaching the boat slip Lisa Hale had directed them to. An impressively expensive recreational yacht had filled the slip, and it hadn't escaped Kensi's attention that the windows were tinted dark and the satellites and antenna equipment on top of the ship were sophisticated enough for a fair amount of technological terrorism. An armed guard had searched them for weapons, but thankfully didn't know enough about military spy hardware to detect her button camera. Clearly he didn't operate the satellite technology onboard. They'd been left in the bar and dining room on the yacht until Jack entered, introducing himself as Lisa Hale's "John Smith" contact, actually named Nicholas Donovan.

Her team hadn't wanted to risk comms on either her or Steele, but Kensi knew they would see and hear everything through her camera. Which was why she'd used one of the pre-arranged warning words, knowing the team would quickly move to detect what she was trying to alert them about. And even if Jack had an assumed name now, his face would still come up thanks to his military record. Despite the warning, Kensi had used one of the lesser words to clue them in to trouble, but to prevent her team from crashing the operation, guns blazing to come to her rescue.

A few minutes earlier Jack had taken a call, leaving her and Andrew alone near the bar. It hadn't escaped Kensi's attention that Andrew kept glancing towards the bottles of clear and amber colored liquor, the desperation in his eyes putting her further on alert. The pause in conversation gave her a few seconds to calm her internal panic. She couldn't let Andrew see her unease. The man was already nervous enough, his eyes darting around wildly, sweat on his forehead a thin sheen.

But all her training as an agent really hadn't prepared her to come across her former fiancé during an undercover. As agents they were trained to deal with the unexpected, but this went far beyond her possible predictions of how a mission might go sideways.

He looked older, but also the same. Kensi's thoughts were a meaningless, dull echo. Words that really meant nothing, told her nothing, and didn't help her cope. But she thought them all the same. She would have known him anywhere, even with twenty years gone by. Kensi had often wondered that over the years, if Jack would be so altered by time, or if her memory might have faded to the point that she wouldn't recognize him. She'd wondered it less and less as time had passed, once she'd found Deeks, but it was a curiosity she couldn't deny had been at the back of her mind.

Her Jack had been an honest, good-natured man. He'd been a serious man, devoted to his country and what being a Marine meant. He'd reminded Kensi of her father, which she'd realized with time had been part of his appeal. Before he'd returned from war, Jack had been slow to anger, easy to forgive, and without a manipulative instinct in his behavior.

But Kensi remembered the man he'd become, too. For years she'd thought it had been her choices, her pushing him to get help that had pushed him away, that had quickened his anger. She'd heaped the blame onto herself, had taken on the mantle of regret that she hadn't seen Jack struggling, hadn't noticed that he wasn't getting better. And when he had lashed out, accidentally hitting her, it had been her fault that when she called the police and he was arrested that it only caused him to withdraw further.

Not that she'd seen that at the time either. Kensi had been so quick to see the lack of conflict as evidence of success. After all her efforts to get him on track with his doctors and medications, she'd been proven wrong. She thought he'd been going for treatment, had been taking his medications. Instead, even though she hadn't realized it, the fact that Jack brushed off her questions, saying he had things under control hadn't meant things were going better for him. He'd just decided he couldn't trust her with the truth any longer.

The bitter reality of that had woken her up on Christmas day twenty years earlier with Jack gone without explanation and without a trail to follow. Although she hadn't wanted to admit it at the time, the lack of a trail had been intentional. Jack hadn't wanted to be found. It didn't mean Kensi hadn't looked. She'd followed minuscule leads for years, her eyes had caught on the profiles of men of Jack's height and build with her hopes dashed whenever they turned towards her.

Somewhere along the way she'd stopped looking. Sometimes she still wondered when she saw men that reminded her of Jack. He was an unfinished story from her life. And despite the fact that he'd abandoned her, despite the hurt he'd caused her, Kensi could remember the times when she'd been sure he loved her and when her love for him had distracted her to the point that everything else seemed meaningless. It was that man that she wished she could have helped, could have saved.

It was hard to know if that man was still inside the man who now called himself Nicholas Donovan. Kensi looked up as Donovan re-entered the cabin, pocketed his phone and clearing his throat. He was followed by another man, as tall as Donovan and nearly twice as wide. Kensi easily noticed the new man's calculating eyes on her, and his stance blocking the only exit from the cabin, his hands loosely clasped at his waist and his jack unbuttoned for easy access to the gun in his shoulder holster. Kensi looked from Donovan to the new addition, her senses on high alert. The man was clearly a guard, but what Kensi didn't know was if he was guarding Donovan, or preventing her from leaving.

"That was my employer. He won't be able to join us today."

Kensi's eyes narrowed and she considered her next move. Andrew had the satellite data but they had purposefully not brought the encryption key. The mission had been intended as reconnaissance, to try and determine which players were involved and what they were looking for.

Kensi had planned to exchange Andrew's satellite data with a promise of the encryption key still to come. This had been purely practical since although Andrew Steele had shot her husband the day before, Kensi had no desire to see the man killed during their undercover. The best way to ensure his survival had been for him to play his part with Kensi following up again later on her own as Lisa Hale. There was a better chance John Smith would let them both leave if he didn't have everything he wanted at the first meeting.

But John Smith, or Nicholas Donovan, being Jack had put a whole new spin on things. Kensi had hoped to get an idea of who John Smith was working for through the exchange of Steele's data. And there was still the troubling possibility that Jack was a criminal, working for a Russian crime family. But even with twenty years past and the man in front of her a stranger in many ways, Kensi's gut feeling wasn't that Jack was a criminal. His involvement had to be more complicated than that. But it would be much harder to get at the truth with the guard who had followed Donovan back to the cabin. He was an extra set of eyes she had to convince.

"It's too bad your employer won't be joining us. Because I won't be handing over the encryption key without meeting him," Kensi replied icily. Donovan studied her silently, his lips pressing to a thin line.

"I thought we had an agreement."

"I'm not going to just hand over this valuable, classified data without knowing who I'm selling it to," Kensi replied primly, knowing that Lisa Hale had no such principles. But she just might be that kind of contrary pain in the ass because it suited her.

"My employer is not paying you to know or care who you are selling the data to," Donovan replied, a note of a threat in his voice as he took a step closer towards Kensi. Refusing to step backwards, Kensi lifted her chin higher. She locked her eyes on Donovan's and watched as he very quickly darted them to the right, towards the guard behind him, and then back to her. His gaze was unblinking as he held her eyes.

Kensi was certain he was trying to tell her something. There was enough about the situation that was off that she had to go on instinct. Donovan had already had plenty of opportunity to give her away. That alone was enough to tell her he didn't want to see her hurt. Which meant the man she'd known, the man who'd cared about her, was still in there somewhere. And she could at least trust that.

"We'll give you the raw data. Steele has it on an external hard drive," Kensi replied, holding out her hand. Steele placed the hard drive in her palm and Kensi in turn held it out for Donovan to take. "You can have your guys check the data for authenticity."

"What makes you think my guys won't be able to crack the encryption?" Donovan asked. Kensi laughed a high, disbelieving laugh.

"They don't store the data and encryption key in different locations with layers upon layers of security for no reason. You can try, but you won't succeed. If you think you can do it without my encryption key then don't bother to call me," Kensi replied flippantly. Fully embracing Lisa Hale's over inflated sense of self, Kensi leaned into Donovan's personal space, giving him a condescending pat on the cheek as she slid a card with her cover's cell phone number on it into his coat pocket. "But I fully expect to hear from you within twenty-four hours. We can discuss final payment then."

There was a flash of something in Donovan's eyes, something that looked like admiration, as Kensi took a smooth step to the side, glancing back at Andrew Steele with a jerk of her head towards the cabin door. Nearly falling over his own feet, Andrew followed her, bumping into her from behind when Kensi had to stop because Donovan's guard became an immoveable obstruction to the exit.

Gritting her teeth, Kensi raised an eyebrow at the man, her tone annoyed and superior. "How about you tell the Hulk here to step aside. It's rude to detain a lady when she wants to leave."

The guard gave her a bored glance before he looked towards Donovan for his orders. Kensi kept her eyes straight ahead, refusing to show even a hint of her unease, as Donovan came up next to her, deftly pulling a sealed envelope from his jacket breast pocket, holding it out for her to take. Without looking at it, Kensi took the envelope and handed it to Steele, who pocketed it with nervous fingers.

"To show my good faith," Donovan said simply. With a gesture of his fingers the guard stepped aside. Kensi managed to hide her exhale of relief, and was about to leave the cabin when Donovan's last parting words stopped her, making her heart stall. "The Hulk was kind of misunderstood, you know. He couldn't help who he was."

Andrew had rushed past her and onto the deck, but Kensi paused in the stairwell, looking back at Donovan. Looking back at Jack.

"No, he couldn't," Kensi said softly. "But one of the things I liked about him was that he did try. From time to time."

Knowing she was risking giving herself away, Kensi quickly followed Steele above deck and onto the dock. Already halfway towards the marina parking lot, Kensi resisted rolling her eyes. She couldn't totally fault Steele's lack of bravery. He had managed to keep it together for long enough to sell her undercover. Knowing her team would be listening, Kensi kept her voice low, but loud enough for them to hear.

"We're clear. Steele and I will drive to the grocery store a mile down the road. Liam, you and David pick up Steele and take him to federal custody. Cody, meet us there and pick me up."

With certainty that her orders would be followed, Kensi approached the car that she Andrew had arrived in, climbing into start the car while Andrew nearly hyperventilated in the passenger's seat.

"Am I done? You don't need me anymore, right?"

"You're done. You kept your cool in there, thank you," Kensi replied, deciding not to chide him for his nervousness. Based on his panicky reactions on the boat and botched hostage taking and accidental shooting of Deeks the day before, Andrew Steele was no criminal mastermind. He was just someone who had made a lot of bad choices.

Arriving at the prearranged location, Kensi left Andrew in the car and passed Liam as he exited the car David was driving to take hers. Liam gave her a quick, affirmative nod before silently ducking into the car and quickly driving off into traffic with David following close behind. Kensi had to smile at Liam's quiet efficiency. Sometimes getting more than a few words from him was quite a challenge, but he wasn't shy about voicing his disagreement. So silence and agreement were quite an accomplishment.

Kensi got into Cody's car, appreciating the concern in his eyes, but even more relieved he didn't immediately push her to explain what had happened. With a smile to herself, she remembered another partner she'd had who had not been nearly as patient. With a ferocity that surprised her, Kensi felt the absence of Deeks welling up to nearly choke her. It wasn't often that it struck her how different her work was without Deeks as her partner, but today was definitely one of those days.

"I'm fine," Kensi finally whispered, looking down at her hands and trying to put conviction behind the words. Cody was nodding, then winced and cupped a hand over his ear.

"Holy shit! Hold your fire, Deeks! She said she's fine," Cody snapped, seemingly to the silent cabin of the car. Kensi's head lifted and she looked at Cody, wide-eyed.

"'Deeks'? What's Marty doing on comms?" Kensi asked, alarmed. Cody shook his head, pulling his comm out and handing Kensi hers.

"I can't listen to him when he's being all irrational," Cody muttered, turning his attention to the road.

Kensi tucked her comm in her ear, hearing the tail end of what sounded like something of a tirade.

"…_told you she only says she's fine when she's not fine! You need to get her back here right now! Do not pass 'Go,' do not collect $200. Cody, do you hear me? Are you bringing my wife back to Ops?"_

"I think they heard you in Nevada," Kensi replied dryly.

"Kensi," Deeks breathed, relief alive in her name. "Are you okay?"

"I'm okay," Kensi assured him. Sensing his disbelief, she mustered a smile, knowing he would hear it in her voice. "Really, I am. I'll be there soon and you can tell me what you're doing there. You better not have pulled any stitches or opened up your wound."

"Are you sure—"

"You'll see for yourself soon enough," Kensi replied, knowing Deeks would never be fully calm until he could see her for himself. "I'll see you soon."

The comm line went dead and Kensi sighed, rubbing her eyes with the heels of her hands. But her hands were steady and her eyes were dry, two things she'd often thought wouldn't be the case if she came face-to-face with her former fiancé again.

"Anything you want to talk about?" Cody asked carefully.

Kensi laughed, the sound hollow as she wished she felt the humor as more than just on the surface of her frayed thoughts. She shook her head, knowing she could be honest with Cody. He'd known her before Jack, and he'd known her since. Cody had known how she'd changed because of Jack.

"I wasn't expecting that. I wasn't expecting him."

"I don't think anybody could expect that, Kensi. Certainly not after twenty years," Cody replied. His voice had started off sympathetic but had turned harsh. Kensi watched Cody, knowing that despite her ability to be honest with him since he'd known her longer than almost anybody, Cody was still her brother. And she knew that even with his usually calm and fair personality he had a protective blind spot when it came to her.

"I assume there's more to what's going on than things seem?" Kensi asked, knowing that in the span of thirty minutes that the meet had taken place in that Eric and Nell had probably already acquired enough data to spend the rest of the afternoon briefing them on. And Kensi was ready for that briefing. She wanted answers.

Cody nodded, but didn't elaborate further. Kensi appreciated the silence, using the rest of the drive to Ops to ready herself for what was still to come. Within a few miles of Ops, Kensi pulled her necklace from under her shirt, unclasping the chain and letting her wedding and engagement ring fall to her palm. She slipped them back on her left ring finger, the metal weight comforting and familiar.

After parking the car, Cody followed her into Ops. Immediately upon entering the building she looked for Deeks, her search ending when he took the stairs down from Operations two at a time, rushing to her side and pulling her close with his uninjured arm.

Kensi's fingers curled around his bicep, the soft cotton of his shirt warmed by his skin and her palm. There were so many questions about what he was doing at Ops, how he'd found himself in the middle of her undercover, and what he was thinking about the sudden and surprising return of her former fiancé. When she tilted her head back to look at Deeks, the worried furrow of his brow and the muscle clenching his jaw tugged at her. His clear blue eyes were full of concern, all for her. And Kensi had to smile to herself as she looked around the gathering of people around her.

She was lucky to have so many people to care about her emotional state after the visit from a ghost from her past. Eric and Nell had come downstairs while Rachel had stepped over from Hetty's desk to approach her husband. Cody had put an arm around Rachel, kissing her forehead before steering them both towards Kensi and Deeks. While they looked at her with varying levels of concern, Kensi looked at Deeks, resisting the urge to push the collar of his shirt aside so she could check his wound.

"What are you doing here?" Kensi asked quietly. Deeks grimaced as he shrugged.

"Seems kind of silly now," Deeks mumbled. He looked around, frowning before he turned back to Kensi. "Where are Liam and David?"

"Taking Andrew Steele back to custody," Kensi replied suspiciously, until the light dawned. "Hailey told you, didn't she?"

Surprised, Deeks stared at her. "You knew about them?"

"Only since yesterday," Kensi assured him. Deeks relaxed against her, nodding with a sigh. "I told her she needed to tell you. I'm glad she did."

Deeks looked away from Kensi but she saw his frown deepen. "Apparently it even took you forcing her to tell me. I wonder how long it would have stayed a secret."

Kensi wanted to argue, but found she didn't have the words that could be the truth and a comfort. Deeks forcibly shook his head, quickly turning his attention back to her.

"Was that really him?"

Deeks didn't have to say the name. She'd known her team would pick up on her signal and track down the truth of who Jack was. Or at least start to track the truth down, since she wasn't even entirely sure anymore.

"It was him. But he's going by a different name, Nicholas Donovan. He recognized me though, I'm sure of it. And he didn't give me away," Kensi wondered at Jack's protection of her. "Facial recognition should have pulled up his records."

Deeks shook his head. "That's just it, it didn't. Jack Salvay doesn't exist anymore, Kensi."

Kensi turned to Eric and Nell, confused at the evolving complexity of what Jack was doing with an assumed name and how he was involved in their case.

"That's not possible. How could someone delete his entire life?"

"Not 'someone,' Ms. Deeks. The CIA."

Hetty broached the perimeter of their circle, all attention shifting to her. She crossed her arms over her chest, taking a deep breath as she began to explain, her eyes steady on Kensi even as she addressed the whole team.

"It didn't take long to determine the CIA is involved. The history they invented for Nicholas Donovan is good enough to pass a cursory look. And I have a few contacts at the Agency who were able to confirm my suspicions," Hetty paused. "Nicholas Donovan is the alias for Jack Salvay. Agent Salvay has been working for the CIA for almost ten years and he has been undercover for nearly five. And the CIA would prefer that we stay out of their business."

Cody chuckled, pointing at Hetty. "I'm sure you had a ready response to that, Hetty."

"That she did."

The entire team turned at the new voice. Kensi's eyes widened and she felt Deeks' hand tighten on her waist. Entering from the outdoor courtyard, Jack was followed by Liam and David, returned from dropping off Andrew Steele. Kensi felt Deeks' eyes on her as Jack's gaze stayed silently fixed on her for a long beat before he turned to Hetty with a tight smile.

"My ears are burning. Something tells me we have a lot to talk about."

* * *

_To be continued_


	6. Chapter 6

**Note: **Thanks to all for reading, alerting, favoriting and reviewing. I'm pleased to hear aspects of the story resonate with you. And thanks to my always awesome beta, **MioneAlterEgo**, she amazes, as I've come to expect. This one might hurt a little. Thanks for reading, and reviewing if you do.

* * *

She'd fainted the first time she'd seen Jack.

A freshman at American University in Washington, D.C., she'd been at the Student Union checking out the combination Career Fair and Blood Drive. It had been September of 2000, and she'd been eighteen years old.

And one minute she'd been finishing off some juice after giving blood and she'd caught the familiar colors of khaki and green from the corner of the eye, the flash something that immediately reminded her of times when she'd opened her father's closet when he'd been away on missions, running her hands over his uniforms as she missed him and wished he was home. She'd stood up and taken two steps, and the next minute she'd found herself staring up into the concerned face of a Marine, her ears ringing and the unpleasant sensation of having lost time washing over her.

"_No, no, don't move. Just take a second."_

_The voice had been calm and comforting, and came from the man leaning over her. He looked a few years older than her with dark hair buzzed short, brown eyes hooded by thick eyebrows, and he wore the unmistakable green and khaki of a Marine service uniform. He was clean-shaven, and leaning over her, seemed tall and dense with muscle. She watched his lips move as he spoke and she was momentarily distracted by sharp jaw and his concerned smile. Her stomach fluttered and she wondered if it were because she'd fainted or if the closeness of the Marine caused it. _

_Thinking he'd asked her if she was alright, Kensi nodded weakly, having quickly realized what a bad plan it had been to try and sit up when lifting her head even a few inches caused her vision to swim. She closed her eyes for a second, and then they flew open again when she felt the press of warm fingers just below her chin, checking her pulse._

"_Sorry, I was just worried for a second there when you closed your eyes."_

_Knowing she would have flushed bright red if she'd any blood left to rush to her head, Kensi merely managed a small smile. The world was coming back to her slowly, sounds that had seemed muffled and far away sharpening. She swiveled her eyes around to see that a small crowd had gathered around her, though the only person attending her had been the Marine with attentive eyes. _

"_Who are you?" Kensi blurted out, her curiosity getting the better of her. She could tell his rank from his uniform insignia but she hadn't remembered seeing a Marine near the Blood Drive when she'd arrived. "Lance Corporal…?"_

_The man's eyes flashed with surprise but appreciation, his grin confident. Kensi wasn't sure if it was left over from giving blood, but she felt light headed as her heart sped up a little in response._

"_Jack Salvay. I'm here for the Career Fair, at the Marine Corps recruitment booth," Jack replied, gesturing over towards the booths erected around the Student Union, advertising and promoting a variety of potential career paths. "I saw you get up to leave and you went down pretty hard. I was worried because you seemed out of it for a few minutes."_

_Kensi blinked slowly in surprise, not accustomed to the kind of concern Jack seemed to have for her, a complete stranger. It didn't feel like the simple concern of a stranger. It felt like he'd seen her specifically, that she'd caught his eye. She'd spent the years since her father's death closing herself off from most people. Even the supportive love of the Keppingers, and specifically Diane, was something she didn't put a lot of permanence on. _

_Jack's words were suspicious words. Or at least, they were the kind of words that would normally make her suspicious. But as she studied his face, the worried knit of his brow, his eyes fixed on her, a gentle smile on a strong face, she could tell her was genuinely concerned._

"_I think I'd like to sit up," Kensi mumbled. Jack moved quickly, dropping to his knees next to her, and putting an arm under her shoulders. He was strong, lifting her easily into a sitting position. Kensi steadied her weight against him, felt his chest against her back, and reached out without realizing it to grab his hand._

"_It's okay, I've got you," Jack whispered, his voice warm and comforting in her ear, his large hand squeezing hers tight._

_Kensi nodded, and after a few more minutes, Jack eased himself from behind her, letting her sit up on her own and rocking back on his heels to stand in front of her. But he kept her hand in his, and reached forward to take her other hand, giving her a gentle tug._

"_You feel up to standing?"_

_Kensi lifted her chin, feeling the stubborn urge to not appear like the helpless girl who had fainted over a little blood loss. Jack lifted and pulled her as she lunged forward, giving her a more help than she was willing to admit. But then she was on her feet, and her momentum took her a little further until she fell against Jack, her hands going to his shoulders to steady herself, his arm circling her waist and pulling her close._

_Her eyes locked with his and her breath caught. Jack looked similarly stunned and it took him an extra few seconds, telltale time that told her he wasn't as steady as he appeared, for him to put a little space between them. With shy pleasure, Kensi realized he still hadn't let go of her hand._

"_So, you know your military insignia and ranks," Jack replied, clearly searching for something to say to her._

"_My dad was a Marine," Kensi admitted softly. _

"'_Was?'" Jack replied, somehow latching on to the one thing that defined her more than anything else._

"_He's gone," Kensi replied, the loss from almost three years earlier still feeling as if it were yesterday. She looked at Jack, waiting for him to ask why, waiting for him to try and say something to make her feel better. _

_Jack's dark eyes softened as he looked at her and he reached up to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear._

"_You know, people say it just takes time and you get over loss," Jack said thoughtfully, his finger burning a path over the shell of her ear before dropping to squeeze her hand in his. "I think that's total bullshit."_

_Unable to help herself, Kensi laughed, the watery sound betraying how close she was to tears. Instead of pushing her to talk or trying to minimize what she was feeling, he'd made her laugh. There'd been truth in what he said, about the meaningless platitudes people would say as a way to dismiss her loss, or at the very least, move on from it because talking about it made them uncomfortable. _

_Smiling tentatively at Jack, Kensi could tell her visible heartbreak, something she projected in the slump of her shoulders and the rarity of her smile, didn't make him want to back away from her like it did so many other people. Instead, he just nodded slowly, understanding eyes searching hers. It left her feeling unsettled, and wanting to fill in the silent space. "Thank you, for coming to help me."_

_Jack shrugged easily, as if to say it was nothing. And he didn't push her about her father. It left Kensi feeling as if she wanted to tell him more. And that was leaps and bounds further than she'd made it with the therapist Diane had taken her to every week for the last year. She'd already told Jack more in less than five minutes._

"_So you know my name, but I don't know yours," Jack stated, the question implied._

"_I'm Kensi. Kensi Blye."_

_Jack smiled then, a friendly, confident grin that lit up his face._

"_Well, Kensi Blye, I probably have to get back to my post before my CO yells at me. But I don't really want to let you go until I'm sure you're alright so I need an excuse to keep talking to you. Perhaps I can interest you in a career with the Marine Corps?"_

_Kensi burst out laughing then, charmed at the way Jack could lighten a moment, amazed at his ability to read her, and more than a little flattered that he wanted to keep talking to her. He smiled in response, his eyes full of unveiled interest._

It was hard to reconcile that man to the man in front of her now.

"My handler got your message to me. I arrived at your top secret Boat Shed as requested and I didn't argue when your men blindfolded me to come here," Jack replied, gesturing impatiently to Liam and David. "So why doesn't somebody tell me why NCIS is messing up a CIA operation five years in the making?"

The irritation was obvious in Jack's voice as he spoke to Hetty, but included the entire team in his recrimination. Kensi watched Jack, looked for a hint of the patient and good-natured man she'd known. But there was a hard edge to him now. He didn't even seem to be carrying the weight of the pain he'd suffered after returning from war. That left Kensi wondering who the man in front of her really was now. And what had changed him.

There'd been that flash of recognition on the yacht, when Kensi had been certain Jack realized who she was, and that she was undercover. And he hadn't given her away, which was the thought that had gotten her past wondering if he was mixed up in something bad. The man she'd known would never put her in danger. She'd been counting on him still being in there somewhere.

"You've been undercover with the CIA for five years?" Kensi asked with surprise. Jack nodded curtly.

"I've been with the Agency for ten years and five years undercover as Nicholas Donovan, trying to infiltrate the Kovalev family and determine what their long term goals are. The CIA thinks they're willing to steal and sell military grade weapons and secrets to whoever will buy them. Peter Kovalev finally trusted me to follow through on this deal. I thought I had a lead on a theft of military intelligence," Jack replied. "But then I walk in the yacht and you're there. I knew something wasn't right then. No way you'd be involved in selling military secrets."

Jack's voice had softened and his eyes had stayed fixed on Kensi. She resisted the urge to fidget under his knowing gaze. It felt like a quiet, intimate conversation between just the two of them, but with her whole team watching and wondering there was a fog of discomfort. It felt like the Jack she'd known was talking to her again.

Kensi knew what Jack was alluding to. He knew her love and loyalty to her father and the Marine Corps he'd loved. Jack had been there not long after she'd lost her father and he'd seen her at one of the most vulnerable points of her life. Even with twenty years past, they still had that history and there was no way to deny that.

Kensi felt the awkwardness of being the center of attention, annoyed that she felt the focus of her junior agents, watching the back and forth with curious, shifting eyes. And Deeks' hand, which had been curled possessively curled around her hip, had fallen unobtrusively to her back while he shifted so he wasn't standing quite as close to her. She wasn't sure if she was grateful that he was giving her a little space or angry that he was.

"Peter Kovalev is not a patient man. He's going to want results. And he's going to want authentication of the secrets Ensign Hale was offering to sell, or the last five years of my life will have been wasted," Jack continued, his dark eyes flashing as he shifted his gaze to Hetty. "This better not be some smokescreen by the Navy. I need that encryption key to be real so Kovalev will act on it."

"How do we know you're not being played by the Kovalev family?" Cody asked bluntly. Kensi's mouth dropped open, the unmistakable accusation in her partner's voice aimed squarely at Jack.

"Cody—"

"No, I want him to answer. He's been undercover for five years and it's taken these guys that long to trust him to broker a deal? He gets his first shot and it crosses with an NCIS investigation? It sounds like someone is being set up to me," Cody replied, his eyes dark as he crossed his arms over his chest. The hard lines of his face softened as he looked at Kensi. "And I don't want you anywhere near that."

"Cody." Deeks' low voice captured Cody's attention and drew Kensi's eyes to her husband. "Let Kensi handle it. She knows what she's doing."

Kensi felt the wave of gratitude for Deeks even as she read in his eyes the wariness he felt despite his confident words. But that gratitude was replaced with unease when she practically saw Deeks' eyes turn impassive as he looked past her, his focus turning to Jack. There was definitely more underneath the surface that Deeks wasn't showing her. And closing himself off, keeping himself in check from her, was something he hadn't done in years.

"I'm not being played by Kovalev. I'm as close as I've ever been to getting proof that Peter Kovalev is selling weaponry to enemies of the United States," Jack said sharply. His eyes swept the team in turn, coming to rest on Kensi. "I don't know any of you, except Kensi. How do I know you won't mess this up?"

"Just hold on one damn second—"

Kensi held up her hand, cutting Cody off. She'd felt her blood beginning to boil at Jack's words, even as she'd immediately recognized the tactic for what it was. A flimsy attempt to unsettle them, and get a rise out of her team. Jack was testing them, testing her, trying to see how they reacted. It was a kind of mind game, and it was an underhanded tactic she never would have thought Jack would use.

"Let's all settle down," Kensi said, addressing her whole team, while her gaze lingered longer on Cody. His lips were pressed in a fine line but he stayed silent, Rachel's hand on his arm reining him in just as much as Kensi's order.

Kensi returned her attention to Jack, keeping her voice measured even as she fought the tide of emotions washing over her. The questions from twenty years ago pounded away at the back of her mind, as well as the indignation that he'd questioned the professionalism and skill of her team.

"The encryption key we have is real. Ensign Lisa Hale was genuinely willing to sell it to John Smith. We intercepted her before she could do so and decided to see where the deal would take us. Cutting off one traitorous sailor is solving a symptom, but we're more interested in the bigger cancer that people like Peter Kovalev represent."

Kensi gestured to her team. "As for who we are and whether or not we'll mess things up, I can assure you we won't. I have two former Marines, one of whom was Special Forces, as well as a former NYPD officer. Cody Keppinger, David Westin, and Liam Murphy are exceptional at what they do. And I trust them with my life."

The subtle unease in the air dissipated with Kensi's strong words. Cody, David, and Liam didn't need to speak after she'd backed them up. And Kensi knew her words meant something. To them, and to Jack. They meant she trusted them and they had her confidence. And even with the CIA posturing, Jack seemed to accept her admission.

"So we're all interested in the same goal," Jack replied. "But the CIA has been on this longer, so I'd appreciate your not getting in the way."

"You know, I wouldn't mind hearing why the CIA is operating an undercover mission on U.S. soil. Isn't that a bit out of your jurisdiction?" Deeks asked coolly, leveling his eyes on Jack.

Crossing his arms over his chest, Jack cocked his head to the side. "And who are you, exactly?"

Unperturbed by the challenge in Jack's tone, Deeks replied confidently. "Marty Deeks, concerned citizen. And former NCIS agent and LAPD detective."

She'd heard it, the urge Deeks felt to add _Kensi's husband, life partner, and soul mate_ to his list. And she saw the recognition in Jack's eyes as he looked from Deeks to her. Somehow he knew. He knew that she and Deeks were together. But the way he tucked that knowledge away, didn't let anyone else see that it registered, tugged at her. She could still read him, though not completely. He couldn't hide all his thoughts and emotions, and the ones she saw left her questioning and wanting answers.

"The CIA's jurisdiction isn't up for debate from concerned citizens," Jack said shortly. "Are we done debating this? If we have to work together I'd rather spend time figuring out the next step in the plan."

Kensi felt her temper flare at Jack's dismissive words towards Deeks, even as she had to agree they needed to discuss the operation rather than dwell on the personal issues and history that seemed to linger in the air around them. She had to be an agent now, as much as she hated nodding and agreeing with Jack. And as much as she hated seeing Deeks' eyes turn pale blue with annoyance at her clear unwillingness to argue with Jack.

"Let's take five minutes, and then meet upstairs in Operations," Kensi suggested.

"I need to check in with my handler," Jack replied.

Kensi turned to Eric. "Can you help him with a secure connection?"

Quickly nodding, Eric led Jack upstairs, with Nell following close behind. With Jack gone, Kensi turned back to her team, keeping in the sigh she felt and wished she could allow to escape. Cody positively fumed while David looked concerned and Liam followed Jack upstairs with watchful eyes, tracking without blinking until the man was out of sight. Kensi couldn't allow her attention to shift to Deeks. She knew whatever emotions were playing across his face would distract her. She hadn't been prepared for Jack, for her past to reel up so quickly. And she wasn't prepared to deal with the repercussions facing her right then. She could only focus on the mission.

"Are we actually going to listen to that guy?" Cody demanded.

"It was the CIA's mission first. And if we work together we can probably resolve the case faster," Kensi replied evenly.

"Let's see what he has to say. He probably knows the inside of the Kovalev family's organization pretty well considering he's been undercover for five years," David replied helpfully, his willingness to see all sides something Kensi appreciated in that moment.

"I still don't like him," Liam announced. David gave his partner's shoulder a shove.

"You don't like anybody. So that isn't exactly new and different."

David's quip broke the tension in the team. Kensi smiled as she saw Liam grin and shove David back in return. Her younger agents were an odd sort of match, but moments like these, when the easy teasing showed how well they got each other, were evidence of how they made sense as partners. And Cody shook his head in amusement, turning to Kensi and pulling her aside as Liam and David traded good-natured insults, his brown eyes concerned.

"Are you going to be okay with this?" Cody asked quietly. Kensi straightened, the reaction defensive and something she couldn't even attempt to control. She felt the urge to dismiss any perception of her inability to deal with the emotional fallout of Jack appearing might bring her.

"Of course I'm okay. This isn't going to be a problem," Kensi replied. Cody nodded, taking her on her word even as he looked uncertain. When he turned away, she was almost irrationally disappointed. Cody knew her well, but he wasn't always willing to push her when she resisted. Unlike her old partner.

"You're not fooling everyone, you know."

Kensi felt the uncertainty and irritation wash over her when Deeks spoke from just behind her, his voice laced with fifteen years of knowing her, and stubborn in his focus as he refused to let her hide. And she hated her immediate reaction, which was to do exactly that. Hide from Deeks' understanding of her, hide from the tumult of feelings seeing Jack again brought up. Hide from what she hated she wanted to know from Jack.

Who she'd been when she was with Jack was world's apart from who she was now with Deeks. They were pieces of herself that were oddly at war, the battle suddenly facing her even as she wanted to ignore it.

"I can handle it," Kensi said shortly.

"I'm not saying you can't. But I don't think you should ignore that this is affecting you. And it's going to continue to affect you."

Kensi ignored the clear implication Deeks was making that it was Jack who was affecting her. She didn't want to admit to that kind of weakness, to admit that a man she'd once loved could still affect her twenty years later.

"It's not affecting the mission. That's what's important here."

"You know as well as I do that there are times when you and the mission can't be separated," Deeks said softly, resting a hand on her shoulder. "You know I'm always in your corner, but you need to be careful. This isn't a simple mission anymore. Talk to me, Kensi."

Kensi barely resisted the urge to shake loose Deeks' touch. She knew his compassion and understanding were hard for him, especially when faced with the man from her past who he knew had hurt her in a myriad of ways. And it was an old instinct, to want to protect herself and her past. But she'd never fully closed the door on the young woman she'd been when she was with Jack. Not as long as Jack was still out there. There were still injuries she'd long ignored. But she felt them flaring up now. Just as she felt the urge to hide the old emotions of hurt, shame, and helplessness.

"I know you mean well. But I can't get into this right now. I have a history with Jack. But that's what it is. History."

"Kensi, you know you can talk to me—"

"I'm not going to discuss this," Kensi replied pointedly, even as Deeks' gentle voice tried to persuade her, tried to draw her in. She ignored the urge to walk into his arms, to cry out her confusion and conflicting emotions on his shoulder. She couldn't be distracted and she had to be stronger than that. "You should go home. We have to debrief and figure out what happens from here forward."

Deeks took a step back, his hand dropping from her shoulder as her dismissal registered. "Fine. But don't say I didn't warn you. That man isn't the man you knew twenty years ago. Don't let wanting him to be that guy cloud your judgment."

Kensi watched him go, feeling regret and anger swirl in the pit of her stomach. She badly wanted to chase after him, wanted to voice her fears. And she wanted to shout at him, to ask what he'd really meant. It stung a little that Deeks might have thought she wanted Jack to be the man she'd known and loved two decades before. If there was one person who she'd thought could see her fears and not judge her, it was Deeks. Or so she'd thought. He'd warned her about not letting her judgment be affected. He wouldn't do that if he thought she could remain rational about Jack.

It left Kensi unsettled and second guessing what she thought she knew. Deeks' warning echoed in her head and she glanced again at the exit to the courtyard, knowing Deeks was long gone. She had to be focused. They had a mission to accomplish. And right now she couldn't be distracted by the fact that Jack was upstairs and he held answers to her past that she'd been wondering for twenty years. Even knowing he could provide those answers, she didn't know if she was strong enough to ask the questions.

Instead of thinking about those questions, she tried to clear her mind and focus on the mission. She called her team to follow her upstairs. Liam lingered behind the others, his serious eyes leveled on her.

"I know what it's like to have a past that makes you wonder how you got to who you are today. To have decisions you regret and question."

"Liam—"

"I'm not saying I know how to reconcile who you may have been with who you are now. But I know not confronting who I've been and decisions I've made hasn't always helped me. But it does help to talk to someone you trust," Liam replied quietly, the heartfelt omission surprising Kensi to silence. He didn't have to say what he implied. Kensi knew Liam had secrets he carried, secrets he kept very close. But clearly he'd found some relief in sharing those secrets with Hailey.

Sensing pushing him further would only cause him to withdraw, Kensi merely nodded. She knew it had taken a lot for Liam to say even those vague words to her and even as she wondered if she could really confess all her fears to Deeks, she took Liam's intentions for what they'd tried to be, good and concerned for her.

She would try and talk to Deeks later, at least try and explain her uncertainties. She wasn't sure she could really explain how the specter of her past self haunted her still. And would continue to haunt her as long as long as she didn't have answers from Jack.

Entering Operations, Kensi held her head high, turning to her team and pleased to see they stood at attention and were ready to discuss the case. Hetty stepped to the front, gesturing to Jack.

"We have an agreement to support Agent Salvay's mission to entrap the Kovalev family in their criminal dealings. Our assistance will be in Agent Deeks, undercover as Ensign Lisa Hale, providing the satellite encryption key, and Agent Salvay, as Nicholas Donovan, uncovering the target."

"When will we make the exchange?" Kensi asked.

"Tomorrow afternoon. I'm leaving momentarily to meet with Peter Kovalev and explain that I got the data today, but the encryption key is still coming," Jack replied. "He's probably not going to be happy."

"Is that going to create a problem for your undercover?" Kensi replied.

"I'll deal with it," Jack replied, sidestepping the question.

"We'll adjourn until tomorrow morning. Mr. Salvay, since I have assurances from your supervisor that you are trustworthy I'll allow Mr. Murphy to escort you back to your car without the blindfold so you may covertly find your way back here tomorrow. Don't disappoint me," Hetty stated, her voice allowing for no argument.

Jack took Hetty's near threat in stride, simply nodding and turning to leave. Kensi followed him, unable to ignore the urge she had to pin him down, to ask questions on the tip of her tongue. She wanted to punch whatever uncertain facet of her past that made her want an explanation so badly that she practically chased after the man who'd left her.

Jack was halfway down the stairs when she caught up to him, calling his name. When he turned to face her she saw the apprehension in his eyes. She wondered if he feared the same things she did, if seeing her again brought up parts of his past he didn't want to face.

"I was hoping we could talk. That we could discuss what happened," Kensi said haltingly. Jack's earlier hostility seemed to fade as he leveled his gaze on her, taking a deep breath before he spoke.

"What is there to talk about, Kensi? I'm not that man anymore, and you're certainly not that girl. Let's just work together and get through this," Jack replied. Kensi felt her disbelief and anger rear up.

"We're not those people anymore, but after everything we went through I want answers. You owe me that," Kensi replied. Jack's face hardened.

"I don't owe you anything."

Kensi tried not to physically reel backward. The man she'd known at eighteen had always thought of her first, had always treated her with respect. The man who had returned to her from war had had dark moments but his affection for her had still shined through that dark clouds. This man seemed to be a complete stranger.

"What happened to you?" Kensi whispered, unable to hide the disbelief in her voice. She couldn't quite believe the young Marine she'd known at eighteen was gone forever to be replaced by the unfeeling man in front of her.

Jack's eyes wavered on her, the first sign that she'd struck some uncertain chord within him. He shook his head sadly. "Nothing you need to concern yourself with."

Despite the history, the confusion, and her own hurt, Kensi felt compassion well up. She reached out to place a hand on his arm. Jack's eyes rose up to stare at her in shock.

"I am concerned. You were the most important thing in my world once. Even with everything that has happened since, I want you to be okay."

Her caring words seemed to shake him. Jack stepped back from her and mumbled something about needing to get back to his undercover as Nicholas Donovan. Kensi watched him go, her own doubt gnawing at the edge of her consciousness. She wanted answers about what Jack had done to her, about how he'd left, and what had happened to him over the last two decades. She wanted the answers for herself, but she also wanted to help him if she still could. For all the hurt he'd caused her, she couldn't stop caring about him.

By the time Kensi arrived home it was late in the afternoon. A note on the counter told her that Hailey had taken Kyle bowling and they would be out until after dinner. Too tired to think about making a meal, Kensi placed a call to order pizza, showered and changed her clothes, and then went in search of Deeks. It didn't take her long to find him. He was outside in the backyard, reclined in a chair and watching the last rays of light from the sun disappear below the horizon.

Even with his relaxed posture, Kensi saw the tension in his body. He held his injured arm, still in a sling, against his chest while his fist was clenched, his knuckles pale against tanned skin. And Kensi knew she'd put some of that tension there. She sat on the ottoman next to Deeks' chair, leaning her elbows on her knees, clasping her hands together to dissuade herself from nervously tapping her fingers.

"How are you feeling?" Kensi asked softly, knowing that only a day after being shot that pain has probably turned to stiffness and ache.

"I can handle it."

Deeks' short words, an echo of her earlier ones, clued her in that this would not be an easy conversation. Deeks knew about her tendency to retreat, just as she knew he could occasionally react badly when she did. She sometimes wanted space he didn't want to give her.

"Marty, I'm sorry about before. Jack showing up again wasn't something I expected," Kensi offered as an explanation. "But I couldn't talk about it this afternoon. I had to focus on the mission."

Deeks barked a laugh, a harsh sound she hadn't ever heard directed at her. "You dismiss me hours ago to deal with your fiancé and now you want to talk?"

Kensi shifted on the ottoman, her chest beginning to feel uncomfortably tight. She resented to jealous undertone of Deeks' words though she chose not to take the bait calling Jack her fiancé clearly was. "It's not easy for me, facing Jack again. You know that it took me a long time to get past what he did to me."

"Hitting you? Lying to you? Leaving you on Christmas? I do know, Kensi. I'm not sure you ever did really get past it. It's like this albatross around your neck that you refuse to take off. I've been here for you for the last fifteen years. But I don't know how you expect me to help if you keep pushing me away and only talking to me when it's convenient for you. You keep hiding from what happened like that will make it go away."

His recrimination stung, the quick assessment of her history with Jack laid out as a shameful reminder of what Jack had done to her, and what she'd endured and what she'd allowed to weigh her down and hold her back over the years. And Deeks' words, past the point of understanding and focused on her slight to him, made her irritation grow in response.

"I wasn't pushing you away intentionally. I had a job to do. You haven't been an agent in a long time so maybe you don't remember what it's like. You know I can't afford distractions and you acting like a jealous husband isn't helping. Stop acting like a child or like I did this to purposefully hurt you."

Kensi spoke sharply, knowing she was striking out in a way that would cut deep, and not able to stop herself. It had been a low blow, to bring up how he wasn't an agent any longer and didn't understand. But it felt equally low that he'd brought up the shadows of her past, the reminders of her bad judgment that she'd shared with him. And she felt the distance growing between them as Deeks leveled his gaze at her, his jaw tightened and his eyes narrowing.

"So, which is it? Am I the jilted husband, the has-been federal agent, or the kid throwing a tantrum over the toy I thought was mine?"

Kensi flushed, her words thrown back and cruelly twisted. They seemed like harsh words now, but she'd been backed into a corner and looking around, she wasn't sure how to find her way out. And Deeks' subtle digging in didn't help her want to reach out to him.

From a distance, she heard the doorbell ring and knew the pizza had arrived. Kensi stood, unwilling to budge and focusing on the tight pang Deeks' face, shuttered and closed off to her, caused to grip her heart.

"I ordered pizza. Come in if you want some."

"No thanks. I can take care of myself," Deeks replied, low and angry.

Kensi turned on her heel, rushing away from the backyard and swiping at hot tears that leaked from the corner of her eyes. She was torn between wanting to apologize and find her way back into Deeks' understanding arms, and stubbornly wanting him to come to her and plead for forgiveness.

Pausing in the doorway to enter the house, she glanced back at Deeks. He faced away from her with no indication that he registered the weight of her gaze. Kensi gritted her teeth, feeling the irrational sting of rejection and whirling around. She moved so fast that she missed Deeks' head, turning to watch her go, regret swimming in his eyes and a discouraged sigh deflating his chest.

* * *

_To be continued_


	7. Chapter 7

**Note: **Thanks for continuing to follow on, alerting, favoriting, and reviewing. I'm sorry I'm kind of terrible these days about replying to reviews, but I do read and appreciate every single one. As always, thanks for **MioneAlterEgo **for her on-the-ball beta. I'm traveling for work these days without as much time to write, but I'll keep writing and posting when I can. Thanks for reading, and reviewing if you do!

* * *

Dawn didn't quite hint in the sky by the time Kensi arrived at Ops. She'd awoken when it was still night and although she'd tried to get back to sleep, the formidable wall of Deeks' back, his body curled away from her in bed, had made that impossible.

After their mutual attack and retreat the night before, Kensi had numbly eaten a few pieces of pizza, saving the rest for Hailey and Kyle. She'd been starting to clean up the food when they'd arrived home, filling the silent house with Kyle's bright exclamations about the neon lights at the bowling alley and how he'd managed a strike all on his own. Kensi had felt some of her tension ease away watching her son, so separate from the stress of her job and a lifetime away from the memory of Jack.

Kensi had felt an odd sort of yearning in that moment. She loved her job but sometimes she wondered what it would be like to leave that behind, to shift into a different kind of choice and to be a normal mom to Kyle. To maybe be a normal mom to another child. It felt odd to consider having another child with her and Deeks suddenly at odds with each other, but Kensi took that to mean that even with the impasse they were at, it wasn't something they couldn't conquer. They loved each other. Harsh words could be softened and hurt feelings could be mended.

Once Kyle had settled down with several pieces of pizza, Hailey had turned concerned eyes to Kensi and had asked in a hushed voice where her brother was. After gesturing her to the backyard, Hailey had darted outside. It had taken Kensi a few minutes to remember that Hailey was still anxiously waiting to hear how things had gone when Deeks had talked to Liam earlier in the day.

Hailey returned quickly, a frown turning down her mouth as she whispered that Deeks wasn't outside. A quick search of the house revealed that he'd snuck upstairs and was asleep in bed. Or pretending to be asleep. A hushed whispering of his name didn't rouse him and Kensi decided not to force him awake. She didn't have the energy to fight more with him after the long day she'd had.

She'd slept next to her husband, willing him to move, willing him to flip over and pull her close in his sleep. He usually did, his instinctive need to hold her close making him react automatically, to seek out her warmth and the curve of her under his hands. Never had she ached for it more than that long and sleepless night.

And that was why, after sleep continued to elude her and the sight of Deeks turned away from her taunted her, Kensi got up from bed and got dressed, heading into work early. There was a mission to prepare for and Kensi decided a few hours in the gym or the gun range might help her focus.

She expected Ops to be silent when she arrived. It was too late for the janitorial staff and too early for even the most dedicated government employees. But as Kensi put her bag down on her desk, she heard a familiar sound, albeit one she hadn't heard in several years.

Following the steady thump of glove striking canvas and the rough slide of shoes against the wood planks of the second floor balcony, Kensi silently took the stairs up, turning the corner to find Jack pummeling Sam's old punching bag. Kensi stayed hidden behind one of the columns, watching as Jack landed one punishing punch after another, alternating left and right. The bag swayed heavily, absorbing the impact and giving something solid for Jack to attack in return.

Sam may have left NCIS, but his punching bag remained as a sort of memorial of him. They had a gym with modern equipment but Kensi sometimes used Sam's old and worn punching bag when she needed to think, when she wanted to channel the steady and calm presence of her former colleague. Jack looked as though he was working through his own demons, his sweat spiking his dark hair and turning his white shirt almost transparent. It didn't surprise her that Jack still had the discipline of a Marine in staying healthy and fit. It had always been a part of him, even in the lowest dregs of his days suffering from PTSD.

Not wanting to startle him, Kensi dragged her feet on the wood floor as she came from behind the column, noting that Jack didn't jump or indicate he heard her. Which meant he'd probably known she was there all along.

"I hope you're not that loud when you sneak up on suspects," Jack said lightly, keeping his back to her. Kensi chuckled a little, wanting to take his offer of humor for a bridge of sorts. She and Jack hadn't parted well the previous day. Despite his refusal to talk the night before, Kensi wasn't ready to give up. Not when she needed answers, and not when she still had concerns that Jack wasn't as well adjusted as he seemed.

"I'll have you know I'm a very skilled agent," Kensi replied, coming around Jack to face him, the punching bag between them. It was a shield she recognized they both needed. And it was a distraction Jack clearly needed as he continued to land solid punch after punch.

Having learned the art of waiting someone out from her husband, who occasionally used the tactic on her when he wasn't pestering her to death, Kensi took a seat on the window bench that faced Jack, folding her legs under her and leaning her elbows forward to rest on her knees and watching him. The silence was only broken by the thud of Jack hitting the punching bag, the cadence soothing like a steady heartbeat.

That was something they'd always been good at as a couple, even early on when they'd first met. Silence. Jack had been serious and thoughtful while Kensi had been quietly pensive. They didn't fear silence and somehow the silence shared with someone else was soothing. Kensi was surprised to feel that same familiarity rear up again as if twenty years hadn't passed.

The early morning light was just beginning to color the eastern horizon when Jack finally stopped, his hands reaching out to still the bag, his steady dark eyes finally turning to her. He kept his palms flat on the bag, possibly to give him something to hang on to.

"I'm sorry about yesterday," Jack said quietly. He shook his head once, closing his eyes briefly before he opened them and looked back at her, the flash of regret quickly tucked away. "I shouldn't have said that. I owe you so much. It's just been a long time since I was that guy who did those things to you, who left. And I don't want to be him again."

Kensi tried to clear her throat, finding the effort difficult against the tight lump that formed. She heard the loud beat of her heart, felt it almost drowning out Jack's voice. She was finally so close to the answers she'd wondered about for two decades. It was a mixture of anticipation, fear, hurt, hope and longing that caused her to finally speak.

"He was a good man, too. I remember who you were, Jack. You were a good man," Kensi insisted, her tone turning internally recriminating. "And you weren't the only one to blame."

Jack's response was quick, and full of fury. It nearly took her breath away, and for a second she felt herself back in their small apartment in Washington DC, with Jack's irrational anger uncontrolled and full of dark pain she couldn't fully understand. But Kensi took a deep breath and the flash of memory faded. This time Jack's fury wasn't at her.

"No, Kensi, do not blame yourself. Not for a second. You were the only one in my corner, the only one who really cared," Jack said sharply. "I threw that away by not listening. Or not being capable of listening. I don't even know anymore. I just know there are so many things I regret. And I don't like to think about it because I don't want to go back. Not to when I hurt you, not to what I threw away, and not to who I became after I ran, after I left—"

Jack's words choked off, the emotion strangling him as he fell silent, his hands trying to bunch the fabric of the punching bag, but finding the canvas wouldn't give way under his strong fingers. Kensi heard the telling words he'd almost said. _After I ran, after I left you._

She felt the stirring of her heart, even as she knew it was secure with Deeks. She loved Deeks more than anything in the world. Her love for him was intrinsically tied to Hailey and Kyle, one her child and the other a sister and the closest thing she had to a daughter. She didn't feel the same sort of love for Jack, either the love she'd felt as a young woman, or close to the love she now felt for Deeks. But Jack was still in her heart. He'd never really left, though the love she felt for him had certainly changed with time.

There was no going back to who they'd been twenty years ago. Kensi knew, looking at how the past clearly still affected Jack, that neither of them wanted that. But there were still wounds that hurt and time hadn't healed. For both of them. And Kensi felt an odd sort of hope at knowing they had the opportunity to heal those wounds, that it could bring them both peace.

"What happened to you?" Kensi repeated her question from the day before, knowing that whatever had happened to Jack after he'd left her was tied to both his eventual recovery from PTSD, and to the regret he seemed to still carry with him.

The muscles in Jack's shoulders tightened, pulling his arms back and making him forcibly stand up taller. Kensi watched as he closed his eyes, breathing deeply and willing himself to relax. She watched with wonder, realizing she was seeing a technique Jack must have learned for dealing with his reactions, for dealing with his PTSD. It wasn't entirely gone, but he'd found ways to cope. And Kensi felt her eyes burn with tears, glad and hopeful tears. It was what she'd always wanted for him, that he would find a way to live with what the experience of war had done to him.

Back in control of himself, Jack dropped his arms to his sides before he stepped out from behind the punching bag, effectively leaving his shield behind as he came and sat next to Kensi, lacing his fingers together. He stared at the floor for several moments before he spoke. When he finally did he kept his gaze on the floor and Kensi didn't try to demand that he look at her. Getting this far and hearing what Jack would finally tell her felt momentous enough.

"I spent the first couple years after leaving DC just wandering. I got as far as the cash in my pocket took me, to San Diego, and I just hopped around from shelter to shelter for a long time. The weather there is mild year round so living outdoors isn't hard," Jack replied with a shrug. "I don't remember much from the first five years. I wasn't medicated or getting any kind of treatment and I felt like I couldn't even trust the things I thought I knew and saw."

Jack finally turned his head to look at her over his shoulder, the question unspeakably in his eyes. Kensi shifted, wondering how much to sugarcoat what she'd gone through after her left. She'd expected if she ever saw him again to want to lay her anger and hurt on Jack, to force him to understand her pain. But faced with him now, clearly having experienced enough pain to last a lifetime, Kensi felt that selfish wish fade away. Still, he deserved the truth, even if it did cause hurt.

"I wasn't doing well after you left," Kensi admitted. "I spent the first year looking for you. I just hit dead end after dead end. But I didn't know what I was doing. But then I had to face finishing school and finding some way to move on. I didn't have anyone to move forward with, but I knew I had to move on."

Jack's eyes turned quizzical. "Your family didn't come back into you life? Yesterday I heard you introduce Cody, that's your brother, right? I thought he was injured around the time when I came home."

Kensi nodded. "He was. But I didn't reconnect with the Keppingers until about twelve years ago. I'd argued with the General pretty badly back when you and I got engaged. He didn't reach out and I didn't reach back."

"So you were alone," Jack said, his voice low and pained. Kensi could only nod, remembering that loneliness she'd felt after Jack left, that empty time when she'd focused on her career and training as the only meaning in her life and hadn't made room or effort for the comfort of friends and family.

Jack scrubbed his hands over his face and sighed. "I'm sorry I did that to you. You shouldn't have been alone again. Not after your dad dying."

Kensi reached out a hand, hesitantly laying it on Jack's shoulder and squeezing gently before she quickly let go. Jack looked at her with surprise.

"It was a long time ago. And it wasn't long before I was recruited to NCIS. And I found a whole new family of sorts," Kensi said fondly, thinking of Callen and Sam, which led her naturally to Deeks, Nell, and Eric. Which took her through the years to Diane, the General, Robert, and Cody. And Rachel and a whole new generation started with Chase and Kyle, and Hailey. "And it took time, but I eventually found my way back to the Keppingers. We're very close to them now and I have a whole family to be grateful for."

Jack studied her closely and Kensi thought she saw a hint of longing in his eyes. He hesitated, seeming to wonder if he should ask her, until he finally spoke. "And you have a family, one of your own?"

Kensi smiled broadly, thinking of the family she and Deeks had with easy love. She nodded, pulling out her phone and swiping through the photos until she found what she was looking for. She turned the phone to Jack, the photo one of Deeks, Hailey, and Kyle from the summer before. They were on the beach at sunset, all sun tanned, sandy and wearing the same wide smile as they stood and posed with their surfboards.

"Your husband? And your son and…daughter?" Jack questioned, clearly thrown off by Hailey, who looked younger than her twenty-two years, but still seemed too old to be her daughter.

"That's Hailey, Marty's sister. She came to live with us about ten years ago. And that's Kyle, our son. He's nine years old," Kensi replied. Forging on, she cleared her throat. "You met my husband last night. Marty Deeks."

Jack nodded slowly. "Yeah, I know."

Once again, Kensi was struck by how Jack didn't seem surprised by Deeks. As if he'd known or had kept tabs on her. She didn't ask him to elaborate right then, as much as she wanted to. But she couldn't resist a subtle jab.

"You were kind of an ass to him," Kensi said pointedly.

Jack chuckled, nodding again. "Yeah, I know. Sorry, it's kind of an innate quality when I'm Nicholas Donovan. He's not an easy guy to shake and I've been him for five years now."

"You don't need to apologize to me. Marty might appreciate it though. And he can actually relate. He was undercover LAPD before he came to NCIS and he spent a lot of time as some pretty bad guys," Kensi replied. Jack shifted uncomfortably.

"I don't think your husband and I are going to be trading war stories anytime soon," Jack said.

Realizing that even if they all tried to be adults and mature about the situation that Jack was probably right, they would never all be able to be completely at ease with each other, Kensi conceded with a tilt of her head. There was too much history.

"I suppose not," Kensi murmured. Wanting to steer the conversation back to Jack, she pressed on. "What happened when you were in San Diego?"

"I think it was five years later that an old buddy of mine from the Corps found me. Kevin Fischer and I served together and he was working for the CIA at the time. He found me because he said I had skills the Agency needed," Jack replied, a hint of bitterness creeping into his voice, hardening it.

Jack leaned back against the bench, taking a deep breath before he turned his head to look at Kensi fully.

"And that's how I became an assassin for the CIA."

Kensi felt her mouth drop open, her thoughts scattering like leaves in the wind. Just as quickly she gathered those thoughts up, forming them into nearly breathless questions tumbling in her head, each one more insistent than the last to the point that she had no clue which to ask first.

As if the floodgates were open, Jack kept talking, cutting off her questions but answering them with each new word.

"Fischer helped me put my life back on track. I was so messed up from living on the streets for five years that I couldn't even attempt to resist when he took me to the doctors and got me medicated. Once I was mentally clear I started seeing Agency therapists and they helped me sort through a lot of the trauma and what I was thinking and feeling."

Shaking his head at the memories, Jack kept going, seemingly spurred by his own story.

"It was about a year before I was really ready to take on any assignments. I spent all my time training, fine-tuning the skills that had faded away in my time away from the Marines. Kevin set me up and took care of me. I was so grateful for his help that I didn't question it," Jack said. Kensi caught the turn in Jack's story, suddenly wary of what had happened next.

"For the next four years I spent my time waiting for assignments from Kevin and carrying out those assignments. I've been in and out of more than thirty countries in increments of less than twenty-four hours. I killed thirty-six people for the CIA. All high-level security threats to the United States. All wanted terrorists, murderers, drug lords, kidnappers, rapists, wannabe dictators of small countries," Jack said woodenly. He stopped, and then lifted his haunted eyes to Kensi's. "Or so I thought."

"What—what are you talking about? Was Kevin Fischer not with the CIA?" Kensi whispered, her heart breaking at the thought of the attentive and caring man she'd known turned into a cold-blooded assassin. It was never something he would have done, would have agreed to. Not the Jack Salvay she'd known and happily agreed to marry.

"He was definitely with the CIA. But the targets he ordered me to kill weren't CIA targets, not all of them. A lot of them were really bad people and they probably deserved to die," Jack admitted. "But a lot of them were also people Fischer targeted so he could broker back door deals for weapons or drugs, collect money from other criminals for the assassinations I carried out, and build his own criminal empire."

Jack stared at Kensi, seeking something from her with his pleading eyes. Kensi couldn't speak, couldn't even grasp at what the right response might be.

"The killing gave me purpose, Kensi. It made me feel like I was doing something worthwhile. It even helped me escape. I'd gotten treatment from doctors who I thought were helping me. It wasn't until later that I found out they were hired by Fischer to treat me, to help turn me into the assassin he needed," Jack replied, his anger flashing behind his eyes, but then fading quickly. "But the therapists did actually help me in the end. They taught me control, and the way to focus my anger."

Kensi studied Jack closely, certain he believed what he was saying. But she wasn't sure his path to coping was really the right one. It still sounded as though he wasn't dealing with his anger and what had been done to him. He was funneling it in one direction, but that left it unexamined and festering with an infection that had never healed.

"What happened to Kevin Fischer?" Kensi asked.

"I was coming back from a job in Guatemala and I was detained at the San Diego airport. Fischer had always told me that my work was completely hidden at the CIA, that I could never claim to work for them. So I played the part of the tourist home from vacation, as confused by the questions as any normal person would be.

"But when the CIA came to pick me up they took me to their Los Angeles field office. Fischer was nowhere to be found but I kept my mouth shut. I figured I was probably funded as part of Black Ops money and I didn't know who in the Agency knew about me. But then the CIA showed me surveillance of Fischer brokering several of the deals he'd had me carry out." Jack took a shaky breath.

"And the CIA showed me video of the family of a police officer I'd killed, the only honest man in power in a small town in Africa, a town where corruption nearly strangled people. He'd been the only man willing to stand up against the drug lords and he'd been succeeding. Until I put a bullet in his head," Jack said, his anger seething and tightening the muscles of his back while he closed his hands into fists.

He leaned forward, rocking slowly, and Kensi couldn't stop her instinctive reaction. She covered Jack's back with her arm, laid her hand on his neck, felt his struggling to rein his emotions in, felt the muscles tense in his neck and jaw. Kensi waited for silent sobs or even tears, waited to feel them on her arms or falling to dampen her clothing. When they didn't come and Jack pulled back from her slowly, she looked at his face, seeing he was back in control and that he hadn't cried. And something about that worried Kensi. Jack appeared to have a tight grasp on his emotions and control, even when they got away from him slightly.

Jack pushed on, his story now almost like confession, like he needed Kensi to hear every detail. "The CIA recruited me to entrap Fischer. And afterwards they kept me on as an agent. I bought my way in by bringing in Fischer. It wasn't hard to bring him down. He'd built a house of cards and he wasn't terribly smart. Just smart enough to take advantage of a mentally and emotionally unstable former Marine."

Kensi heard Jack's expectation that she would agree with his damaging assessment of himself. She watched him closely in silence, seeing the regret, shame, and horror at what he'd done play across his face.

"I'm not going to do what you want me to," Kensi said softly. Jack studied her, his eyes tightening. "I'm not going to condemn you or say you deserved it."

"Why not?" Jack practically barked out. Kensi read it in his eyes, the way he was willing her to back away from him.

"Because you're already doing that to yourself. And I think you've suffered enough," Kensi said. Jack studied her silently, heavily, with tired eyes.

Kensi reached out with both hands, cradling his face between her palms, making him look at her, making him see the truth in her eyes.

"I forgive you."

Kensi spoke quietly, but firmly and with truth pulsing in her hands, and her voice, her eyes fixed and honest on Jack's face. She could see the questions in Jack's eyes. He wondered if she was forgiving him for all the things he'd done to her, for what he'd put her through and made her feel, or for the things he'd done that had nothing to do with her, the atrocities he'd unknowingly committed. Kensi realized she wasn't picking one thing to absolve him of. She was freeing him from all of them.

"I forgive you," Kensi repeated. And she spoke the words over again, watching the disbelief on Jack's face, his internal struggle to reject her words. Kensi felt a small part of her object to letting go of the past, of her anger and hurt from when Jack had left her. It had been a part of her for so long, letting go of it seemed like it should be harder. But faced with Jack and what he'd endured, Kensi realized that while what she'd experienced had scarred her and caused her to carry the wounds for decades, it was much easier to forgive and let go.

She had an entire life that she wouldn't have if not for Jack leaving her. They might have gotten married. They might have had children and they might have been perfectly content and happy together. But thinking of and holding onto the life that had never been didn't bring it back. It just made it fiction. And Kensi had come to much prefer her reality.

Fully letting go of her past hurt with Jack took the first step of forgiveness. Kensi had long thought that offering forgiveness to Jack would be impossible. She'd never been very good at letting go of grudges. But this felt almost as easy as breathing. As easy as untying a string and letting the wind carry away her bottled up pain until it disappeared into the sky.

Kensi could read it in Jack's eyes, that he didn't want to believe her. He wanted to hold onto his pain. But he knew her too well, had known her too long, to not see the truth in her face and hear it in her voice. He may not have been ready to accept her forgiveness, but he couldn't deny it, not when she repeated it again and again.

Jack wavered between the instinct to argue with her and the instinct to run. Kensi saw that war within him and she knew Jack needed someone to fight for him. So when Jack stood, his body reacting in the only protective way it knew to run, Kensi followed, leaping to envelope Jack in her arms. She held him close, using her body as leverage to keep him in place. She locked her hands around her wrists where they were looped around Jack's neck, turning herself into an anchor even as she reached on her tiptoes to hold him.

He was tense under her arms and his body was as unforgiving as a wall against her entire front. Kensi held on, turning her head to whisper one last time in his ear, feeling as if there was one person in the world Jack might listen to, might believe, that it might be her.

"I forgive you."

Long seconds passed and Kensi began to fear that Jack's walls truly were insurmountable. She didn't fear for herself or her own emotions. But she wanted and needed Jack to be okay. She wanted peace for him, and for him to forgive himself.

Her answer came when Jack's arms finally went around her waist, his hands gripping her back and tightening to hold her close. There was no passion in their embrace. It held love and compassion, fear and forgiveness, and wonder and acceptance. And after twenty years, it was freedom.

* * *

By the time Deeks trudged downstairs in the morning, he'd slept for nearly ten hours. Or, had attempted to sleep for ten hours. After the confrontation with Kensi he'd gone upstairs, hadn't eaten, and avoided his wife, sister, and son for the rest of the evening. He'd even pretended to be asleep when Kensi had come in and softly called his name. It wasn't something he was particularly proud of, but at the time it felt like he needed to regroup.

Deeks wasn't really threatened by Jack's return. He had no fear that Kensi would again want what she had with Jack twenty years before. But he did worry that Kensi might have a blind spot when it came to Jack, and he worried that her normally good judgment might be affected by old demons. He could admit, at least to himself, that he was a little jealous of that fact that Jack was working with Kensi, undercover with her in a way Deeks hadn't been in ten years. And he missed that. He missed his partner.

It was still early as Deeks entered the living room, startled to see Hailey and Liam, holding hands and sitting on the couch, their heads close together as Liam whispered in Hailey's ear. They both turned to look at him as he warily took them in, his little sister tucked up against Kensi's junior agent. His eyes fell to their hands, fingers laced, Liam's hand cradling Hailey's close.

"I need coffee to deal with this," Deeks muttered, escaping to the kitchen. He heard Hailey practically leap up from the couch to follow him, dragging Liam behind her. And he noticed that Hailey didn't let go of Liam the whole time as she tugged him along until they came to a stop next to the island in the kitchen. Deeks silently poured himself a mug of coffee, and after a moment of hesitation, poured a second mug and held it out to Liam.

Hailey's eyes lit happily but Deeks shot her a warning look. He knew Hailey would take his small gesture as acceptance, but Deeks wasn't quite there yet. And he saw that Liam read that in his face, his face placid as he clearly took nothing for granted. Deeks recognized the look. It was the look of someone who was used to disappointment, but had learned to accept it even as fighting it was an innate urge.

"I'm going to go down the street and pick up some bagels. Why don't you two talk?" Hailey suggested. Ignoring the pained look Liam sent her, Hailey kissed him on the cheek, releasing his hand to hug Deeks tightly.

Deeks took a deep breath of her, the lavender scent of her drawing him in and making him reach up to smooth a hand down her back and down the long length of her wavy hair. He closed his eyes, remembering to the first time she'd hugged him with the same kind of abandon, the same kind of unrestrained love. It hadn't been long after he'd found her and gotten her away from their mother and the abusive household Hailey had grown up in. She'd needed him then and after Hailey had confessed to keeping Liam a secret from him, Deeks had begun to wonder if she still needed him now.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you before. I—I don't have a good excuse. I was scared and just kind of caught up in everything. I didn't mean to not tell you," Hailey whispered in his ear. Deeks softened at her words, his disappointment from the day before upon finding out Hailey had kept a secret from him tempered a little.

He was starting to understand that Hailey keeping Liam a secret hadn't been meant to hurt him. She was young, in love for the first time, and still figuring out what that meant and who that made her. As much as Deeks wanted to fight it, wanted the last ten years back, as well as the twelve before that when he hadn't known he had a sister, she was growing up. But, squeezing her close before letting her go, Deeks reasoned she still needed a big brother who would look out for her and protect her.

Watching Hailey leave, Deeks eyed Liam, still not completely convinced that Hailey's choice was the best one. He couldn't even dismiss Liam as a bad boy choice since although he had a little bit of mystery and brooding to go along with it, he was still a decent, good man who fought every day to protect the nation's security. But Deeks knew the possible costs that fight could have.

Motioning Liam to follow him outside, Deeks led him out to the chairs in the backyard, pushing back the unpleasant memories of his argument with Kensi the night before. Kensi had left early this morning without a word and their angry words still echoed in his head. He didn't like how Kensi's accusations had rattled him and he didn't like how he'd lashed out in response.

The only sign that Liam might be apprehensive around him was how he quickly downed his coffee, setting the mug on the table loudly and wincing as the hot liquid burned a path down his throat.

Amused, Deeks chuckled. "You want something a little stronger? We have some whiskey in the house."

Liam shook his head and ran a hand through his hair, disheveling the thick black hair and leaving it wild in the slight breeze.

"You get why I'm not too happy to hear you're dating my sister, right?" Deeks asked, diving right in.

Liam nodded. "I do. You're probably thinking all the things I've told myself a million times."

Deeks raised an eyebrow, curious. "Oh really? Please, enlighten me."

"That my job is too dangerous. That I could get killed at any time and it would break her heart. That I'm too old for her. That I'm too closed off to give her what she needs. That I'm not smart enough for her. That I'm not good enough for her. That I'll leave her."

With every word, Liam's voice grew heavier and more pained. Deeks frowned, suddenly more concerned about Liam than Hailey. He sat forward, putting a hand on Liam's shoulder, stopping his self-flagellating tirade.

"Liam," Deeks interrupted. "I've never thought those things about you." He paused at Liam's slightly incredulous look, conceding a little. "Okay, maybe the first three. But definitely not the rest."

Deeks took a different tact, realizing any effort at forbidding Liam and Hailey to see each other would be a futile attempt. And would be like the plot of a number of clichéd teenage melodrama movies. But he also had to at least try and look out for his sister. "Do you love her? Or at least care enough about her to protect her?"

"Of course I love her. What kind of question is that?" Liam said automatically, fervently and almost defensively angry. Deeks couldn't help but smile then, seeing Liam's blue eyes flash at the hint of the suggestion that he might merely care for Hailey, as if the thought of such minor emotions was an insult. That was the kind of anger Deeks could get behind.

"Okay, okay. Calm down, Romeo. This is all new to me, too, you know. Hailey hasn't had many boyfriends. But she has had enough people in her life hurt her. I'm just looking out for her," Deeks soothed. Liam relaxed a little, nodding away his slight embarrassment.

"I've thought about it so many times. I fought it for almost five years. At first it was easy. She was just seventeen and too young and I really didn't have much to give," Liam said, the words tumbling out in a fast wave that left Deeks stunned. Liam wasn't usually exactly verbose. But he was making up for it now.

"But you guys were always so welcoming. I was here so much, and around her all the time. And we talked sometimes. She told me how you and Kensi saved her, about how she grew up, and how you found her and how that changed her entire life, made her want a better life, made her open up and learn how to love, even when she had a life's history telling her that was a bad idea," Liam continued. "And it wasn't long before I realized just knowing her had done the same for me."

Deeks was touched by Liam's description of Hailey, realizing Liam had observed a side of Hailey that Deeks had seen develop and had almost taken for granted. And it took his breath away to know that Hailey thought they had saved her. Nothing could have humbled him more.

"I lost my family," Liam said, the words falling clumsily from his mouth. "And it was just so tempting to have the possibility of that with Hailey, with all of you. I know it's risky with the job I have. But I live every day for her. To get back to her, to make her happy, to be the best person I can be for her. But it would kill me if I lost the rest of you because of what we kept a secret—"

"Liam," Deeks interrupted, still trying to catch up to Liam's confession and heartfelt words. And still reeling from the knowledge that Liam had lost what family he'd had and thought of Hailey as his family. He was curious and wanted to ask about Liam's past, knowing the tidbit he'd just shared was incredibly rare. But Deeks reasoned there would be time for that later. Right now it had to be about Hailey and Liam.

Clapping a hand on Liam's shoulder and keeping it there, Deeks caught and held Liam's attention. "You don't have to convince me. I believe that you love my sister. I don't like that you have a dangerous job that could harm you and by extension cause her pain, but that's a part of who you are. And Hailey loves you. All of you. So I'm not going to try and get in the way of that."

Liam released a grateful sigh and openly smiled. It was unguarded in a way that Liam didn't allow very often, and Deeks had the thought that Hailey was probably good for Liam in ways the young agent had never thought of or realized.

"But if you intentionally hurt her—" Deeks started.

"I'll kick my own ass," Liam quickly finished. Deeks laughed, throwing his head back.

"You won't have to worry about that, man. You'll have me, Cody, and Hailey's grandpa to contend with," Deeks responded. "But I'd worry more about Kensi. She's a mama bear."

It was the mention of his boss that caused a note of discomfort to ripple across Liam's face and Deeks was amused that three formidable men barely resulted in a flicker of unease. But Kensi, a fiercely protective mother, was the real worry in Liam's view.

Deeks grinned at Liam, letting the younger man see that they were okay, and that he accepted the idea of Hailey making her choice. Internally Deeks knew it would still take some adjustment, but that was his to deal with. It was with a regretful pang that Deeks wished he could talk to Kensi. This was exactly the sort of thing she would understand and talk him through. It took him back to how things were unresolved between them. And Deeks had the urge to fix what had gone wrong, even while knowing with Kensi's ongoing undercover mission that it would have to wait.

Hailey returned with bagels and cream cheese, sitting next to Liam on the lounge, clearly happy to see the two most important men in her life getting along. Starved from the lack of dinner the night before, Deeks polished off two bagels and was slicing a third when Liam's phone loudly rang with an incoming text message.

Quickly checking the phone, Liam read the message and raised his eyebrows, his eyes flitting over to Deeks in surprise.

"What's going on?" Deeks asked uneasily.

Liam stood and pocketed his phone. "Looks like we'd better get to work."

"'We'? Who's we?" Hailey asked curiously. Liam leaned over, stealing the last half of Hailey's bagel even as she protested loudly.

"Me and your brother," Liam replied, looking pointedly at Deeks. "Come on, Hetty wants us both at Ops in thirty minutes."

* * *

_To be continued_


End file.
